Reflections and traditions

I have done TONS of reflecting and thinking lately. However i have a really hard time doing traditional "reflections" or any sort of meditation/quiet activity (the world is SHOCKED i can't sit quiet and still!). However i have found a couple of things lately that have really helped me reflect and actually focus on the season of Advent.

I have tried SO SO SO hard this advent season to take time everyday to reflect on Advent, the Meaning of Christams and all the wonders that came with Jesus' birth, however i am scatterbrained and often think about something for 2 second and move on. Instead of accepting my scatterbrained nature i have set "mental traps" all around my house and life to force me to think, reflect and pray throughout the day about Advent and Christmas. This has worked AMAZINGLY! I am shocked at how much i devote each day in thought, reflection or prayer with my reminders. they are usually small, short things but occasionally i'll spend 30-60 minutes in deep thought and prayer.

If youa re scatterbrained like me, or if life is so busy you barely remember to pee when you need to i hope some of these little tips help you:

1. 1. nativities! this seems obvious, yet i have talked to a lot of people who don't have one. I have 3 in my living room alone. One is large, one is crystal (and super pretty) and one is a play one for Cecelia (and yes i found Princess Jasmine and Mary Chatting next to baby Jesus the other day!). When i see my crystal one i take a moment to rediscover the BEAUTY of Christmas (physically and metaphorically). The concept of Jesus and his humility as the lights twinkly off the nativity. Then i see the large on i have and it's Mary and Joseph looking adoringly at Jesus and i am reminded of their Love for him, specifically all Mary went through just to bring him into the world (labor sucks, and she did it in a barn, at night after riding on a donkey). Finally i set up and pick up Cecelia's little play nativity 100X a day and every time i reflect one every person and animal and their role in the christmas season. 
2. My tree! I look a it and see ornaments from my childhood (all great happy memories) and then ones from each year as Kel and I have built our lives together (Cecelia already has more than Kel on the tree). I am reminded of how blessed i am and how many loved ones i have to share this season with. 
3. Music! I listen to mostly traditional Christmas Music (Lots of Josh Groban). I like the contemporary (and 90s) stuff but i can only take that in small doses. I LOVE LOVE LOVE the first Noel and What Child Is This. Those two songs are my favorite and listening to them is the BEST way for me to get into the season. They transport me to the first christmas and i feel like i am a part of it. BTW i have an overactive imagination so this all gets very vivid and amazing for me. 
4. My Kindle! i have an app that lets me read and reflect about saints and the readings that day. it's a very traditional way to reflect, but it works!

Finally today i had the the best/most emotional reflection of the Season. There's a song i have always known and loved but today the lyrics had me crying in the kitchen. "Breath of Heaven" by Amy Grant is Mary's version of Christmas. It literally tells her story and covers her fears of not just becoming a first time mother, but the Mother of God. I remember how much being 9 months pregnant SUCKS and the fears/uncertainties and general discomfort. And my kid wasn't God. Plus i didn't have to travel cross country on a donkey to give birth drug free in a barn. I struggled riding in a large smooth car to have a csection! It gave me lots to think about and ive never felt more in the christmas spirit.

This year we are also working on building some rock solid christmas traditions. Cecelia is old enough to participate in most. We do the usual "putting up the tree" and "hanging the stockings" but Kel and i really wanted more this year. So we talked and started some new ones.

• Santa? this was a huge debate for us. I'm not a fan of Santa. something about the man creeps me out. We def don't do pics with santa with Cecelia, but i was open to the idea of starting him with Cecelia. I really like the story and traditions of St. Nick (you know, the guy who inspired the whole santa concept). My sister doesn't do Santa with her kids but instead focuses on the story on Christmas, which i like. So Kel and i found a compromise for our family traditions.... St. Nick comes on Dec 6th (his feast day) and fills our stockings. We tell the story of St Nick and the history behind it. on Christmas Eve we open our presents from the kids and the kids open their presents from each other (as we have more kids). And on Christmas Day the stockings and gifts are from mom and dad. Its def all our own and this year Kel, Cecelia and i enjoyed our St. Nicholas Day Stockings and making and shopping for some gifts.

  

  new shoes and gift card to a mani/pedi! i'll take it!

  
  

  

  Kel's stocking had all the mini makings for his favorite drink (a long island iced tea)

  

  Cecelia got books, fruit, snacks, slippers, magna doodle (travel sized) and blocks!

  
  
  
  
   
• kel and i plan on enjoying Christmas Eve by wearing our pjs, making hot chocoloate, watching Christmas movies and making cinnamon rolls for Christmas Day. Throw in church and gift exchanges. kel has to work 2-11p on christmas eve and day but we plan on celebrating all morning then Cecelia and i can enjoy the evening. 
• Christmas Day i plan on spending the day in my pjs, opening gifts and eating yummy food. 
•  Most importantly we have started a Christmas Season Countdown book and an advent calendar. Cecelia really enjoys these books and activities. I want to make a few more for next year when she is old enough to participate a little bit more. 

So in a nutshell we are doing lots and lots to get ready for Christmas. It's a busy time of year but we are really enjoying it. Cecelia LOVES the tree and lights and activities. She even played in the snow a bit! We have focused this on advent, the REAL meaning of christmas and Cecelia. She's still super young but that girl absorbs everything like a sponge. i love watching her reactions to everything (we are going ot go driving around to see lights soon, i can't wait to see what she thinks) and seeing her really experience everything as a little girl. She has been the best hting to happen in our lives (aside form each other) and this year she has really been our hope and our light at the end of the tunnel. So we are celebrating that! i will post picutres as we go, until then here's a few of our snow adventure!

she was so goofy waddling around our yard!

sitting in the snow!

this is right after she ripped off her gloves and right before eating the snow! afte rthis she got cold hands and stopped liking it! 

we took the same picture int eh same spot last year! oh how things have changed in just one year!

dancing with daddy!

beautiful family photo! it took a few tried but Cecelia finally smiled!

this was her spot for awhile. She liked snow briefly then was ready to sit and watch!

 

Are there any traditions you do that you like or any you want to start?

i watch WAY too much TV!

Kel and i were making Christmas cards and there was quite the little conversation going on. First of all there are SO MANY different kinds of Christmas Cards. The choices we wanted to narrow it down a bit from a card with yearly updates or just a postcard. As we were talking i realized i COULD NOT positively do a card with yearly updates for multiple reasons:

1. everyone i would send one to i talk to regularly so therefore it would be useless to recap things
2. i feel it would have to be cutesy or rhyme and come on, no thanks
3. finally i realized we don't have good news right now to share and pass. Everything i want to share (Cecelia turning one, i got a part time job at a retail store, kel starts school in january, we finally got pictures hung on the wall) are not christmas card material OR have a really despressing memory behind them.

I recapped the year for us and although we have a lot to be thankful for and are truly blessed in so many ways, this year has been the worst and hardest of my life. I am truly a different person than i was in 2014 and have dealt with SO MUCH physically and emotionally and with my little family recapping it is exhausting. So we went with just a cute postcard and quick blessing to all.

So as i thought about my year, all we have been through and all that has happened i examined where we are at RIGHT NOW! For 5 months i feel like we have been sitting in the depression and despair that is our life. The past week we have started to rebuild and return to ourselves.

My part time job (which is great, i really enjoy it. it's not my dream job or a career i ever pictured but it's what i have now and for that i am grateful) has allowed us to pay bills (finally). That alone is a comfort that i can work with. It's not much but it's more than we had a month ago.

I am feeling better about my miscarriage. It still sucks, but i am on the tail end of the grieving process. I see baby stuff and instead of immediately crying, getting bitter or angry or shutting down i can look how cute it is and enjoy it. The fear of getting pregnant again is still very strong, but Kel and I are in no hurry to expand and honestly are just enjoying our goof ball one year old.  Three major things have happened in the past week that have really hit me and made me realized how to process, grieve and move on.

• The Voice- a tv show i keep up with. there was a song that one of the contestants sang dedicated to his wife. He said they have had it rough but come through it and things are changing and they made it. i BAWLED HISTERICALLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i felt like this wa smy life he was talking about and i realized that kel and i have been thought SERIOUS stuff but there is a light in the tunnel and things are changing for the better. LOOK IT UP, BAWL YOUR FACE OFF, YOU WILL FEEL GREAT! 
• The Biggest Loser -(ok ok i watch a bit of TV, sue me). One of the contestants got to go home for a week and workout with Jillian. She talked about grieving and accepting the loss so you can move on. again i started BAWLING and realized she was so right and i learned to move on.
• Pandora.com- best music listening radio station there is. I have been listening to it at work and the music had been exactly what i needed. i've had so much time to reflect and really use the music to express my feelings.

Which is the final thing that has been singing in joy for once instead of pouting and throwing a pity party. Kel and i have been through a lot in the two years we have been married. We got married, got pregnant, moved into a house, had a baby, found out she has food allergies and relearned a lifestyle, got pregnant again, lost my job, lot the baby, cecelia turned one, got a job and now we are here. It's been one thing (good or bad) after the other and we have come through so much stronger than before. I feel like in two short years we have climbed mountains and swam across oceans together. It's been hard but we love each other so much more now than we ever thought possible. For at least two weeks we have stopped struggling to keep up with life and just started enjoying it.

I feel like a huge weight ahs been lifted of my shoulders, and in perfect time. Advent is here and i am starting this season on a new leaf. It's a perfect time to reflect, pray, grown and anticipate with joy the birht of Jesus, and for once i am doing all of these. I am content and at peace with life and instead of dwelling on the bad i am looking forward to good things to come.

i know a lot of people struggling out there right, crazy things happen. They have my prayers and i pray that they find peace like i did and let this season heal their hearts and lift their worries.