what do you say...

What do you say when someone tells you they are getting an abortion?

In my theology classes growing up i had multiple teachers tell me the answer to that questions. They had bible versus and stories and every thought to give a person about the act of killing an unborn baby.

i went to prolife marches MULTIPLE years and heard testimonies and fought so hard against this.

This year my own mother talked a woman out of an abortion. When she asked the above questions i had answers and sotries for her to share with that women.

Then tonight i was told by a woman my age, who i know and see weekly and talk to almost daily that she has a high risk pregnancy. At 3 months and 6 days along she is having health problems. Her appointment for "surgery" to have "it" removed is next week. She was having an emergency abortion, but she said she was ok because she had her one son and that's all she needed/wanted/could handle right now.

I was shocked. I instantly thought of my niece and nephew (especially my niece who's birth mother has 2 older children). If their birth mothers had said that i would never have had that hole (the one i never knew was there until they filled it) in my heart they filled. I thought of my daughter and the ever present joy she brings me even at her worst moments. I thought of that baby and it's future it will never have.

I asked her if there's anything she needs, if i can do anything. I told her this is horrible and i would pray so this baby could make it. She shrugged and said no need, it'll all be ok.

All the things i have been taught to say and i was left speechless. This was the 3rd set of horrific news i received today. Each piece of news was pertaining to people who are unable to care for themselves and ways the world is stopping taking care of them. Innocent children, people with disabilities, unborn babies and the elderly. I received life changing news today 3 different times that pertain to these groups of people.

I have no words. All i can do it pray.

i pray to St. Gianna (my next daughter will be named Gianna after her). She was told it was her life or her unborn child and she said she would give up her life before killing her unborn child. In the end her life was lost, but she gave birth to a beautiful child.

i pray to St. Giles, patron saint of the disabled. He spent his life helping those who could not help themselves back when nobody else would

i pray to St. Frances Xavier, patron saint of impossible causes. i feel hopeless and i pray he gives me hope and strength to stand for what feels like a loosing battle.

I failed tonight. After all have been taught and all i have preached to others, i was given a chance to use my knowledge. i froze because of fear, sadness and loss. It's not too late and i will never stop praying for her or the poor innocent soul at stake. i don't know what to say or do, prayer is all i can react with.

I went home and picked up my sleeping baby girl and held her tighter than ever tonight. Next time i see my niece and nephew i will hug them tighter than ever. Their birth mothers gave them to my family when so many people told them not to. Every baby deserves what my niece adn nephew and daughter have. If only these women could see the beauty that can come from a dark time.

I was pregnant. It was not easy. Everyday i struggled to eat, sleep, breathe. Actually giving birth was so difficult and impossible had i not had a c-section when i did it could have cost us both dearly. i know the choice to stay pregnant and then either care for or give up your child is not easy. Both are so hard (keeping or giving) and impossible to think about in these situations. But i know that innocent beautiful baby is worth it... every second of it!

I am so heartbroken.

What do you say when somebody tells you they are going to get an abortion?

Enough

So I recently had a conversation with a friend. She was asking if kel and I were wanting to start having another baby soon. She has know me a long long time and knows I want a large family and my kids close in age. This question has come up a lot from people an I always have the same answer.

It would be easy to say no for financial reasons, or because my pregnancy was so rough, or that the Dr said I should wait because of my c section. There are a hundred EXCUSES (valid or not) to wait.

However I don't need an excuse. My answer is that my daughter is enough to fulfill my life. She grows everyday and while some women are sad as their baby gets older, I might some day hit that stage. But for now I am so excited for every milestone and if I never have another Cecelia is enough for me. If I do have more I will be happy whenever they are given to me, but I find no need to rush!

It saddens me to know that what people have is never enough, either in their jobs, material goods, family etc. Right now everything I have is MORE than enough and as log as I continue to work hard at everything ibdobi will never want for anything! Cecelia brings me more joy and as long as I have her I am more blessed than I ever thought I would be.

One year

I am very late posting this, but recently I celebrated my first wedding anniversary who my wonderful husband. I can't help but think of all we have gone through and grown this year. This time last year we were both looking for new jobs and talking about a baby time frame. Since then kel and I found out we were pregnant, I got a new job, we found out baby was a girl, we moved into a house, kel got a new job, my nephew was adopted, we had our beautiful baby girl and we settled down.

So much happened and it was all so positive and amazing. We have had a lot of laughs, a lot of tear and a lot of each other. We work hard everyday to love each other. Life without kel would be impossible and I thank God everyday for him. I get more butterflies in my stomach when I see kel now than I did a year ago. I am so thankful for our year together and couldn't imagine anything else. Life is perfect because he is a part of it!

All in one

So i would love to post a different post for each of the major events that has happened in the past week, but i don't have time or energy, so this post will be all in one. It will be as condescend as possible, if anything needs elaborated i will post alter this week!

In Chronological order:

Cecelia turned 2 months! She is SUCH a sweetheart and amazing baby. In fact right now i am cuddling with erh while i type and she is just looking at me and smiling.

• She rarely ever cries (unless she is hungry). 
• She sleeps through the night (usually). 
• She will let anyone hold her. 
• She HATES being alone in a room. 
• She likes soft things, especially her pink teddy bear. 
• She has the biggest smile! It is heart melting
• She loves to play and watch people (big cousin Anna especially) play
• She is up to 5 oz bottles (my little chunk-a-munk) every 2.5-3 hours
• she can sleep ANYWHERE, ANYTIME, through ANYTHING
• She is beautiful, loved, happy, healthy and wonderful- we are so blessed with such a perfect baby girl. 
• She is 75th percentile in height and weight and her head is 97th percentile (yet she still holds it up better than most babies her age)

 Next we had family photos taken!  It was so nice to compare to last year and see the wonderful changes that have occurred ( cousin, Anthony, Cecelia and me being SO MUCH SKINNIER than last year!) My grandma came into town and we had a nice family lunch together. Kel and i got photos taken and it's a nice little one year anniversary thing! So good to see how we have grown.

 Last year's photo and this year's photo! 

 amazing what 2 little people can add to a family!

 Our family and Kel with Cecelia!

 Third was Cecelia's BAPTISM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SO Amazing to celebrate her innocence and membership into the church! She did SO well the whole time, was very attentive to the priest (seriously though) and was just SO gosh darn cute!I can't describe how blessed we are that she was baptized in the church one day before our one year anniversary! great way to end the first year! this is such an amazing things to celebrate! Saint Cecelia- Pray for us!

 getting baptized!

 us with Fr. Gifford and her Godparents!

 not really sure what her and grandpa/godfather were looking at!

                Aunt Meghan- Godmother                                               Grandpa Dave- Godfather

 Looking pretty cute! This was the same outfit that MOMMY wore on her baptism!

 

After her baptism we had a little party then we went to a bonfire with the Schmitt Family!  The weather was perfect, the trees were changing and the company was ok (j/k it was great!). We had fun with smores, hot dogs and picture and just relaxing!

AFTER that was the 2nd ever feast day of Blessed pope john Paul the 2nd. That is enough of a reason to PARTY however two more AMAZING events happened. 

First was Cousin Anthony's Legal Adoption into our family! He's always been a part of our family, but as of yesterday NOBODY can EVER day otherwise!

Our wedding day: 10/22/11

                                                                                    One Year Later 10-22-12

Second was my husband and I's one year wedding anniversary! i will be posting 1 one year update soon, but it was awesome. Cecelia stayed with my parents for the evening and next day while we stayed at a hotel and celebrated out life together! and there was so much to celebrate. it was a great, RELAXING way to end such a busy weekend. We had a bottle of wine, a few cocktails at the bar in the hotel, went swimming, ate deep dish pizza and slept for about 10 hours! We then saw a movie (looper- it was AWEFUL) and took Cecelia home to relax. we missed her so much, we we had no clue how desperately we needed a night away until we got one!

Good Eats

First thing is my baby girl is 1 month already and cuter than ever. To see a full update check out her 1 month post on my other blog!

So while i have been on maternity leave i have had some time to actually cook food! I don't usually cook but we are low on money and needed efficient ways to grocery shop, save money and have meals for 15 days! So i researched recipes that had similar ingredients and used what we already had and then cooked for 2 days! They all turned out REALLY good. i didn't take pictures of them but i am going to link to where i got the recipes (credit where credit is due) and give them all my reviews. A side note: they are all SUPER easy as i have NO skill level in the kitchen. Also i kinda improvised and added/subtracted whatever i had or didn't have for all of these and they all still turned out, so the recipe is not a super strict one.

1. i made Buffalo Chicken Garbage Bread! It was SO GOOD and i give it 2 thumbs up! Kel ate as much as he could. It was really easy and we used a different wing sauce (one kel preferred) and we had chicken left over so i made buffalo chicken to go on a panini (we have a panini maker and a quesadilla make so it worked well.) I actually don't like super spicy food and Kel does, but this was perfect for both of us. It has enough ranch and cheese to make me happy and he like the baked in flavor of the spicy chicken.
2. then i had a ton of apples about to go bad to i went apple recipe nuts. i made Apple Egg Rolls and they were good. i would have baked them a bit longer or even thrown the in hot oil to make them crispier, but now i know for next time. also learning how to roll egg rolls is not easy, only one actually looked good, but again something to practice. the Lemon juice: ingenious! it adds some tartness that makes the apples taste fresher and is something i will add to every apple pie recipe from now on. not too much lemon juice but definitely some. These would be awesome for a party with finger foods! Thumbs up!
3. next i made my own creation. I took a pizza dough and lined a muffin tin with it. then i created my own apple pie mix (no measurements but sugar, brown sugar, apples, cinnamon, nutmeg, lemon juice all mixed) into it and covered it with a crust (stick of butter melted with oatmeal, brown sugar, cinnamon stirred until oatmeal well coated) and baked until the crust is golden and cooked! TWO THUMB WAY UP! i was so proud i did this with no recipe, no measurements and before i had seen something like this on pinterest (i swear, i got my own idea first). I am not very creative in the kitchen but this was a turning point.

meanwhile i was doing all this cooking i needed a snack to i whipped out some pepperoni and cresent rolls and mozzarella cheese, baked them and dipped them in pizza sauce for a munchy snack! Ashamed to say i ate all but 2! That was all for day 1 of cooking, but successful!


The next day here is what i made:

1.  steamed carrots: we had carrots and since i have an all purpose cooker and was already going to make noodles i just threw the carrots on top and let them steam!
2. Buffalo Chicken Pasta: AMAZING! i was going to double this and freeze some but remember that is serves 4-6 and Kel and i are only two people so i actually cut this a bit. I baked the chicken first (healthier) with some Italian seasonings and left the extra chicken cut up for a nice salad and paninis for lunch all week! The pasta turned out great. Not a very good freezer meal unless you like spicy. Spicy foods get SPICIER with time and we left ours sit overnight and BOY WAS IT HOT! but the pasta had tons of time to absorb the sauce so the texture was awesome. I had to add ranch to it and down milk with it, but Kel LOVED it! Two Thumbs UP!We used spaghetti noodles, but i think shells or penne would be best. 
3. Tacos! no recipe just meat and taco seasoning with some green onions for more flavor then build your own!
4. Meat Thing (literlaly no clue what to call it)! Kel and i had some old chuck steaks from the 1/4 cow we got previously and it's not too good with much and super hard to cook. So i found this recipe and thought it'd try it. We couldn't however find the onion soup mix so i googled onion soup mix and picked the one i had all the seasonings for and threw it in the crock pot! then i made rice and served it over rice and OH MY GOODNESS MELT IN YOUR MOUTH SO GOOD! if i had three thumbs I'd put them ALL up! looks gross but is so creamy and good! and the easiest of them all. Kel and i are literally fighting over who gets the leftovers. and with such a crappy cut of meat- deal. so cheap to get the bad cuts from a store and it's SO GOOD and SO SIMPLE here! If everyone who reads this only tries one recipe try this one! and it's so easy you should have time to try another one too!
5. Next was my own creation (but i know lots of people who make this) Pizza Pasta! It's SO SO SO easy and very few ingredients: 
• Pasta
• 1 can pizza sauce (large can)
• pepperoni (would be good with sausage added in or any of your favorite pizza toppings for more flavor)
• mozzerella cheese. 

• Make noodles, mix everything together, top with layer of cheese and pepperoni (toppings) sprinkle with Parmesan and bake until cheese is melted all the way through. Again the noodles absorb the sauce giving a great texture and it really does have a pizza taste for any picky eaters but it looks like spaghetti and is a different way to eat an old favorite. 
• Also i have in the past used small glass bowls and made a couple "individual pizzas" for different people with their own toppings. easy way to have everyone make their own but all you have to do is cook pasta and throw the sauce on it beforehand.

 So it was an eventful and delicious day! we have enough for leftovers and meals for about a week and a half. all of these can be doubled and put in the freezer (note the spicy food clause: it gets spicier but in the freezer it halts until it thaws). Since the pasta recipes call for them to be baked later again it works really well to freeze. also get a panini maker, i am not a sandwich person, but i LOVE hot sandwiches (chicken, cheese bread and some sort or seasons- ranch or itialian dressings are my fav- 2 minutes on the panini and YUMMY) . These aren't the healthiest recipes, but the are good, easy and in moderation not bad. plus they can all be modified for health and if you (or your kids) are picky about veggies like me adding a veggy into any of these would not kill the flavor, just add to it, and it would disguise the veggies.

I am proud of my cooking now and all these recipes i looked up (i cheated, i "pinned" them) made a grocery list (it was all under $75 including the meat) and made it! Hope you all enjoy these too!

Patience...

Tonight is cecelia's first night in her own room and crib. For the first time ever tonight she had a meltdown. After a 5oz bottle she cried for 30 minutes! I know for most people thats nothing but cecelia has always been super chill and my internal alert says something is wrong. Her temp was great and after breastfeeding her she ate and seemed fine... until another 30 minutes of rocking went and no sleepy baby. Since she was already out of whack we decided to try her in her crib. She stopped fussing but is still playing around quietly. I am a bit nervous and exasperated. We will have to wait and see how tonight goes. I am just glad it was a night kel is home with me to help and support me!

randomness!

Things are going great around here. Cecelia is in a routine and it's great, i can now plan things around nap times and feedings! Honestly i have never been happier! She is almost one month (one month post will be coming when she hits it with official updates) and Kel and I are doing great. We are super excited to have his birthday this month and our anniversary next month, then it starts the holiday season!

Honestly i have never really like the holidays. I LOVE Halloween, but after that i feel like things are too stressful and overwhelming, so i kinda shut down around the holidays. This year however i am actually ready and excited for the holidays to start, but not for obvious reasons.

1. decorating our house! sure we don't even have pictures hung on the wall (working on it) or many things to decorate with, but i am SLOWLY crafting and adding things to decorate for fall/Halloween and building and arsenal for thanksgiving and Christmas. i can't wait for our house to be looking festive and homey!
2. It's Cecelia's first everything! i have to have the camera charged and ready! she's still going to be so little that all the outfits and accessories are WAY TO STINKING CUTE! But she will be big enough by then to play around with!
3. I have two major excuses to do/not do whatever floats my boat this season. Work basically has guaranteed that i will be working ON thanksgiving and Christmas and the surrounding days, which is OK with me (even before they pay my husband and I holiday pay on those days). The people at work need to celebrate and be with people who love them as much as anyone else. I can celebrate with extended family on different weekends/day and spread it out as much as possible. this relives stress because it's not just ONE day to look forward to, i have so many different days set up to celebrate with everyone individually that's it's honestly the best of both worlds. and with Cecelia i have a reason to say "no thank you" to parties and such and to just stay home and enjoy my little family as much as possible! But i also know i have baby sitters ready and willing if Kel and I do need a night away and want to relax and party with friends! 
4. i wont be sick this year like i was last year. honestly first trimester over the holidays is NO FUN! i barely ate anything last year and couldn't travel or move without getting sick, so this year i have a ton to make up for!

So really, i cna't wait to see what the holidays bring! i already have 8 different "my first christmas" outfits for Cecelia (all gifts and hand-me-downs), four more and she officially can be a part of the 12 days of Christmas!

On a final note before i post a bunch more baby pictures: i am almost ready to go back to work. Other than the separation anxiety (it's getting better) i have leaving Cecelia i am physically getting through the day on minimal caffeine (by minimal i mean LESS than before i was pregnant, more than when i was pregnant, and enough it doesn't affect Cecelia through my milk)  and naps! i am actually getting things done most days out of the week around the house and keeping physically active. Next week i plan on adding in light workouts (not released from the doctor yet, but i need to at least start walking and getting into an exercise routine) and even more activities. I go back in 2 weeks exactly. The recommended maternity leave for a c-section is 8 weeks after delivery, and work would allow that if i asked for it. However doctor said as long as i am feeling up for it and watch myself (lifting restrictions, etc) back at work i can go back whenever i am ready. The checkbook was ready last week (unpaid maternity leave= desperate checkbook), physically i am almost ready, and baby is doing SO great that she is ready for her REAL routine (not this fake one where i am around all day every day). as much as i love being with my baby all day, i am going stir crazy and miss everyone at work so much that it's insane. I am ready mentally to go back, but i definitely will enjoy my last 13 days at home!

ok: enough babble: it's picture time!

 love this outfit!

 playing with mommy!

another favorite outfit (sidenote: look how big she is getting-yet still so itty bitty)

 such an adorable face (yes i am biased)

 holding onto her cousin... while they make teh same face!

her big cousin Anna wanted to hold her!  Cecelia's such a doll about letting Anna poke and hold and jostle her!

 mommy with Cecelia!

 lifting her head up! such a strong little thing!

Keeping up

So things around here have been crazy! Kel got over 16 extra hours of overtime at work this week and its all overnights. 6 days in a row i have been on my own for nights and most of the days while kel tries to sleep. Poor guy has a hard time sleeping when all he wants to do is be with baby Cecelia. I am very proud that i have managed 6 days and nights on my own.  I know for women this is no big deal everyday, but after two weeks of recovering from the c section its so nice to finally feel like me again. I even managed to clean the house and keep up with projects and chores (mostly). Sorry about all the bragging, i just haven't functioned this well since last november!

On a different note Cecelia is doing PERFECT according to the doctor. She ia 80th percentile in height and 60th on weight. She came home from the hospital weighing 7lbs 11oz and now she is 8lbs 11oz. The do you was so excited she has already gained that much, it means she is eating great (i could have told you that) and she ia happy and so healthy. And she has been taking 2 bottles a day with no problems or confusion, as long as she gets her food!

I am hoping to post her newborn pictures soon, i need to order them first! Its on my to do list!

Getting the hang of this...

So my baby girl is now two weeks old and here are how things are going:

• things are finally falling into a routine (yes i said FINALLY because things have not been routine around here for MONTHS and i am going NUTS without any sort of organizational pattern or daily goals!). Cecelia is doing very well and it's so much fun to watch her grow. 
• My little baby that came home two weeks ago is already in her 0-3 month clothes. This is a good things as she only had about 10 newborn outfits and she peed through about 8 a day and with the infant cloth diapers being EXACTLY enough for one day we were having issues keeping up with laundry. But now she has a huge supply of 0-3 month and 3 month clothes to get her through as long as she needs to! 
•  Also her belly button fell off at EXACTLY two weeks old. this is a bit early, but it was natural and now we can do full baths! she LOVES sitting in the warm water and had a blast last night. (Yes she told me so herself)
• We started her on 2 bottles a day. She breastfeeds the rest of the day but since i go back to work in 3 1/2 weeks we really needed to make sure she could take bottles early so that later it's a no brainier for her.  Also i have been pumping and storing and since we are already almost out of storage space in the freezer (true story) we decided to start bottles early! She takes them AMAZINGLY! it took a few days to solve some spit up/vomit issues with her eating too fast, but so far no confusion or issues as long as she gets fed when she is ready. And since she takes a paci so well we have been able to postpone and schedule her feedings to every two-three hours.
• She SLEEPS! i know all newborns sleep a ton right away the first few weeks, but she is sleeping at nights. we have her nightly routine down where she gets a bath from daddy, changed and lotion, a bottle from daddy and daddy cuddle time then off to bed (while mommy can relax for an hour). she sleeps until 1-2 am, wakes up to change and eat and sleeps again until 6-7am. She has done this for a week now and its working great for all of us! She even has nap times we can predict everyday! 

So overall things are much better than i expected. I am recovering a little bit more each day with a little less pain meds. Every now and then i will get a set back (something as small as a headache) where i just don't function, but overall i am getting a handle on things. I have had some major and minor breakdowns. after my first night by myself while kel was at work i was emotionally unstable and called in reinforcements. Other times kel has had to take Cecelia for an extra diaper change because i can't handle it, but overall i am doing much better emotionally than ANYONE (myself included) thought i would. I am actually more stable emotionally than i was my last 3 weeks of pregnancy. The pain is manageable and i am starting to help around the house piece by piece (this week i did laundry and got announcements and thanks yous done while still taking at least one outing everyday).

The only problem i have is reminding myself to take baby steps and that i wont just be recovered in one day and that it is ok to cry and need help and have a messy house.

One little happy family!

She's HERE! she got here one week ago! she is perfect and wonderful. If you want details on HOW she got here check out Her Story (scroll to the bottom and skip the gory details for the fun birth announcement info!). Beware it is long until then i have some fun pictures of her first week in our little family of three. She is so beautiful and already i don't know what life was like without her. She is my whole word!

 within an hour after being born!

 first smiles for mamma!

 family photo ready to go HOME and start our lives together with her!

playing at home! 

 chillin with daddy... she is his little princess

not a fan of her first bath, but she likes them now

 TOO BEAUTIFUL! and yes, she is awake A LOT for an infant!

 my favorite outfit so far!

 Daddy wearing her and doing chores! these two melt my heart!

her princess outfit! such a peanut!

So she is great, so tiny and perfect. i love showing her off and my family can't get enough of her. she LOVES to cuddle and will cuddle with anyone anytime anywhere. Honestly she is a perfect baby and i can't describe how much love and joy she brings to my life, even at 2am when i am awake feeding her! i get excited to wake up with her because i miss her when she's down!

As for me, i am recovering. To me it feels slow but the doctor assured me it is much faster than most women. i have a hard time sitting up when i am laying flat, but other than that i am moving great as long as i keep up on my pain meds! i got my staples out today adn tomorrow is my first night alone while daddy is at work, but i am not sure if i am ready to eb alone yet so my mom might have to come help! 

My family and friends are amazing bringing up food and staying with me while Kel is at work on overnights and changing diapers and cleaning the house. i honestly would not have survived this week physically or emotionally if it wasn't for my AMAZING friends and family! this little baby girl is spoiled and blessed more than she will ever know!

frustrations

So today might be a vent type blog today as i am frustrated! So i had the past 5 days off work. it was nice, i got some things done (DMV, bought a new car, got insurance taken care of, cleaned, finished what was needed in baby's room, shopped, etc) but mostly just lounged! this was very needed as i have been feeling like complete crap the past few days. Yesterday i literally woke up, went to church (didn't even shower) and then went home and laid in bed ALL day! The rest was obviously needed. But today i had two options: have a baby or go to work- work won

So i go to work and realize that i left at a REALLY bad time (but honestly is there ever a good time for a manager to leave work for vacation days?). The worst part is there is someone else covering it all for me. Since we couldn't put an exact date on my maternity leave we used my vacations days to have someone take over so that in the event that i didn't come back form vacation and went straight on leave everything was handled. Smart move, until i actually came back from vacation! Me going into work really throws things into confusion because i am not supposed to be dealing with problems but i can't just not handle the problems when i know about them, etc etc.

So after only one hour at work i get a call from my husband- he has a flat tire. So i have to leave work to go and get him from the middle of a cornfield (known as Gridley) and figure this out since we DEFINITELY can't afford to get a new tire today. Not even halfway there and the ONLY road to get there (otherwise it's an additional 20 minutes) is closed. While on the phone Kel says that this might be God's way of saying just buy the new tire, go home and see what happens. So i turn around and go home while he just buys a new tire and heads home.

And we wait! i know what needs to get done tonight at work but it all has to wait until this evening when staff and people get home anyway, so i am waiting. waiting for my husband to come home, waiting to see IF we overdraft (literally our savings is within $$ of the cost of the new tire- so glad we had what little savings we did), waiting for baby to decided to come, waiting to get work done, just waiting.

I am REALLY bad at waiting.

A change of pace

So i changed my blog name... again! i am just trying to find what fits! i started blogging so that my friends could keep up with my life while we all went our separate ways. I know the friends i follow it helps me SO much to keep up with their life. Lately i feel that blogs have gotten so political and especially my blog i am trying to hard to "teach" people things. I forgot that i wanted to keep people updated on my life, interact with them more than a text and keep up on their lives. So i am heading back to my roots! i am going to work on having more pictures, more updates and more discussions but mostly a more honest door opening into my life. I am not a person who debates or gets all political, i have my beliefs, i stand by them but i respect that everyone is entitled to what they want to believe. So instead of getting all belief based i want to open an honest online dairy! I promise to show you all my shortcomings as i learn to be a mother and a wife as long as readers promise to not judge (in return i wont judge either!). I am a very social person and i hope this journey i take is something everyone can take with me!

As i embark on motherhood and grow as a wife it should be rather humorous! I am anxious and excited to see where this road leads and my new idea for my blog is to show people my path, and hopefully everyone who follows can help me!

people are asking questions:

quick updates:

•  no baby: false alarm (full story on my pregnancy blog)
• i am doing every old wives tale i know to get this baby moving
• we are ready, she is ready
• i finally got SOME things settled at work so the chaos will be minimal while i am on leave
• i am super pumped for the Olympics! At least when i do go into the hospital i will have guaranteed entertainment to distract me on TV! 
• thanks for all the prayers.... a few more would be great!

Yes i actually ate a salad!

It's 5:30 in the morning and i am ready for my work day but have 15 minutes before i leave for work. Yesterday i had a 4 hour break during the day (worked 6am-noon and 4-10p) and i came home and for the first time in forever i actually took time to prepare a lunch for the next day (today) and i am SO proud that i actually 1.) made a sack lunch 2.) it's super healthy and 3.) it's very yummy!

It has in it:

• a romaine lettuce salad with cabbage carrots and cheese and croutons
• hard boiled egg 
• grilled chicken (my hubby grilled it, it's yummy)
• a yogurt
• applesauce
• carrots
• Olive Garden Italian dressing- light calories and strong enough flavor a little goes a long way
• AND a juice box (love me some Capri Sun)
• Peanuts to munch on throughout the day

As i was making this lunch my husband pointed out that it is the perfect portions and foods for someone eating healthy and maybe trying to loose weight. he commented that i CAN'T afford to loose any more weight (words i am sure i will NEVER hear again). My response was that i am eating healthy not trying to loose weight and i promise to come home and eat mac and cheese that's super unhealthy to make him feel better.

I have never done well with eating healthy or dieting. honestly, the more i try the more i fail. So i have lately been trying super hard to eat super healthy (when i actually am able to eat) so that when baby gets here and i'm breastfeeding (hopefully) eating healthy is a natural thing to me and wont cause me stress. Either way i wont be told i have to gain weight for very much longer. I'm honestly just happy to be eating a couple meals a day FINALLY since i have been so sick and am trying to not even remind myself what junk food is, just jumping straight into fruits and veggies and protein!

this is what i do!

i have a lot of people lately ask me what my job is. It's not necessarily hard to explain, but sometimes it is hard for people to understand WHY i chose to do this and WHY i love it! In fact there are a lot of aspects of my job that most people say are bad- and yet these are the aspects i love about my job.

I work for an organization that helps people with disabilities (PWD is what i will shorten that to) strive to live their lives to the fullest capacity. My job specifically is that i am a manager of a house. The house is where 6 PWD live and we have 24hour staff there to help take care of them. At this point A LOT of people say "oh kinda like a small nursing home." and my response is "no." In a nursing home people come into the building and are taken care of, but in a physical way. Everyday myself and my staff come into these people's home and help them improve their quality of life. we are always striving to help THEM make decisions. They all set goals and are living a life better than they could anywhere else. they are not able to care for themselves, but they are NOT invalids as most of society thinks they are.

Now my job has a lot of cooking, cleaning, laundry, and helping someone ELSE (adult) out with different hygiene issues. None of this include the mental aspects of my job. These people all have varying degrees of intellectual disabilities, so i deal with a lot of tantrums, arguments, extreme highs and extreme lows. This is definitely a job that you HAVE to LOVE to do because people who come for the paycheck leave before they ever even get one. My job also has more aspects as a manager, for example: i have NEVER gotten off at the scheduled time i was supposed, i have always had to stay and help handle situations. Going in early does not mean leaving early, it means getting extra time to get things done. Open shifts on the schedule= extra shifts i will be working.

HOWEVER: everyday i get to see people grow. Small things (like finishing coloring a picture that took a WEEK to color) are causes for celebration.The smiles and hugs i get from everyone are so genuine it melts my heart EVERY TIME! The people we care for don't understand appreciation, to them we don't need appreciation for the work we are doing. This isn't because they are taking us for granite, it's because we are their friends who come and help them and hang out with them, just like any of us would go and hang out with or cook dinner with a friend.There is not other job in the world where i would leave for work everyday and someone would follow em to the door (everyday) and hug me (everyday) and ask when i was coming back because they will miss me and want to see me tomorrow. THAT is worth every load of laundry, every dirty toilet i have to clean and every time i get yelled at just because someone is having a bad day. the best part is the staff i have understands that feeling. It's like being part of a secret club where only people who work there understand WHY you come to work everyday.


(sidenote- i hate getting political, so this is not political it is facts based on what i see everyday) COMPLETELY DIFFERENT TOPIC ABOUT MY JOB: so there is TONS and TONS of hype lately about the new Obamacare. I have heard every angle from every different type of person. I have a lot of feelings about it both religious and nonreligious but i think it's time for me to tell everyone some FACTS about it. People "pro" obamacare use the argument that it is providing healthcare and opportunities for women and children who would not otherwise have them. My first responce to that is that IF these women and children were really THAT desperate there are 5 different organizations in my town alone (not-for-profit, religious and nonreligious)  that will aid, care for, pay for and establish soem form of free health care for womena dn children. in fact women and children are the most likely to be taken care of- so your argument is really to help the women and children who are too proud to go and seek help for themselves!

I myself am not on state aid, but i work everyday with people who are. in fact i have had to deal with state aid (of ALL forms, medicare, medicaid, link, wic, etc) everyday for the past 6 months of my life. BEFORE obamacare people (this is for EVERYONE not just with disabilities) were able to go to the ER, receive DENTAL care, see doctors, get specialized treatment for things (physical therapy, podiatry, etc), receive eye appointments and new glasses every year along with other things. The only downside was you didn't really get to pick your doctor and it was harder to make appointments because you were not the top priority (honestly did you know that the insurances that pay out the most get top priority of appointments, sick isn't it). However people were able to see doctors, get treated and receive medicine without paying. Obama care cut ALL funding for: dental visits (except extractions), eye appointments more than once every 2 years, podiatry-unless you have diabetes, specialized appointments, along with TONS of other things. Obamacare even cut prescriptions. For example obama will make my tax money pay for ANY woman to have an abortion but unless you have diabetes it wont pay for medications that people need for blood pressure, seizures and other serious health problems. Finally obamacare had cut the amount of incontinence supplies (aka adult diapers and pads) it will send to people who have a prescription and real need for them.

I am not trying to get political, but i would really appreciate it if people would look into the FACTS before defending something truly horrible. If half the people who support obamacare were on it then maybe they would see the effects it has and how truly messed up it's priorities are. A 15 year old girl can get free birth control, abortifications or sterilization so she can be "sexually active" while a 50 year old women can't get a dental check up unless it's to have all her teeth removed (oh and it does NOT pay for dentures).

Honestly if YOU were given such lousy healthcare would you complain? Would YOU be willing to give up your healthcare for this? The saddest part is knowing that it was SO MUCH BETTER before July 1st yet people still defend it, simply because MORE people (who had access before) can now have crappy healthcare.

That's the end of my rant. i really love my job!

day off

So this week at work i FINALLY got a lot of things on my to do list done. there are things i have been trying to get done for 3 months and i have not had a chance to finish them. finally i am caught up enough that i was able to take a whole weekend off! 3 whole days! i have not had 2 consecutive days off since January, let alone 3. Someone the other day said that was a sign of a bad work environment, instead i see it as a sign of a good hard worker/boss. I have been working so much to ensure that everything is done and taken care of. Last week however, i worked too much and my body told me to stop. So this week i arranged the schedule so i finished my 40 hours of work by Thursday and i told my staff I'm off Friday, Saturday and Sunday! So today, for the first time in 6 months, i did not have to set an alarm to wake up (i was still up at 7am, but no alarm needed). It was glorious!

So my goal was to do nothing all weekend, literally. i have been working so hard and feeling so sick that i feel i deserve a weekend of NOTHING! Well apparently that is impossible for me, but i still thoroughly enjoyed my day. In fact here is what i did:

• i watched Armageddon- at 7 am!
• i went grocery shopping with my husband 
• He used his father's day gift for the first time (he got a HUGE meat smoker) and spent the whole day smoking some brisket- SO excited to eat it
• I made peach cobbler, from scratch, and it's AMAZING
• i worked on baby's room!
• took a 3 hour nap
• read 1/2 a book
• and most importatnly i spent good quality time at home with my husband! 

  this was SO needed and it feels even better knowing i have tomorrow AND Sunday off too. I am kinda glad i don't get this very often, because it feels SO wonderful now that i do have the time off that i will be ready for work on Monday (and i am sure this next month i am going to need all the boost i can get to get through work).

One final note: so i am having my mom and dad over for dinner and we fixed an AWESOME menu i just have to brag about it:

• Home smoked bbq brisket (smoked and wrapped in bacon- BEST IDEA EVER!)
• sweet corn (grilled out)
• au-graten cheesy potatoes
• seasoned (dry seasons so there are no added fats or oils) veggies-onions and red potatoes b/c my parents are trying to eat healthy and i support that
• wine (everyone else, not me) 
• Homemade peach cobbler from fresh peaches with vanilla ice cream. 
• sun tea (made it today)

Literally this is the perfect summer meal! Kel has been cooking all day and he is SO excited to have my parents over and share the food. We rarely have people over so we get a bit eccentric when  we finally do! I am sure i will post pictures of everything later! I feel all my hours on pinterest are finally paying off!

Short Sweet and has no point

Well there's nothing really exciting to post about today, but i haven't posted in a month almost so i feel like i should. So this will be a bit random:

• i get to go to the pool today! i love the pool and I'm really excited! Plus i have worked 45 hours in 4 days and have another 8-15 hours to put in THIS WEEK (yeah i know it's friday) so a day off at the pool sounds FABULOUS!
• my grandpa had an accident and although i am not sure of too many details he needs LOTS and LOTS of prayers. we are all really worried about him. 
• Kel and i finally have wedding pictures CD, hoping to get some of those posted soon... it only took 7 months!
• Kel and i might have a garage sale tomorrow. it's weird to think that little in advance, but we have our neighborhood garage sale going on and there's some stuff we wouldn't mind getting rid of and the extra money would be AWESOME! who knows though, it depends on if we can get it together or not, if not it's no big deal!
• i am stating to think about if i want to get some maternity photos done or not... it wouldn't be anything professional or expensive, just come cute photos of my belly. I know lots of women who have and lots that haven't, i'm at a toss up!

this is kinda a lame post, but i will think of something totally awesome soon!

Busy busy month

Who knew May could be such a busy month! It's all wonderful things, but i have to be honest and say it's a little stressful too.

Home- Kel is GREAT! he started his new job, he is a night counselor at Salem Children's Home. It's a home for boys who need a little (lot) of extra guidance. Some were in bad home situations, others kicked out of school, others headed for jail, and all just in need of a good Christian environment. Kel has a chance to change these boys lives, teach them how to be a good man, show them God, and make a real difference in their lives every time he works. It is an overnight position, which actually works really well with our schedules. However it has been a HUGE adjustment for BOTH of us. I was just getting used to sharing a bed! Plus he sleeps during the day now, which had altered my schedule more than i thought it would! things like coming home fore my 2 hours lunch breaks or running errands, etc have to be done at different times. And chores are a lot harder to keep up with. But it is all for an amazing reason and i'm really very proud of him.

My Family- My little sister is home from Spain! i am so excited, family outings were never the same without her there. plus i would go to text her at least one time a day and couldn't, now i can!

My nephew is being baptized this week. i am SO excited for him! this has had Kel and i talking A LOT about Cecelia's baptism and everything. It was such a transition for my family when they adopted Anna, but with Anthony it's just 2nd nature to have him around!

Kel's Family- well i have been spending A LOT of time with Kels family lately. His brother is getting married on the 27th and there has been a lot going on with that. Kel is in the wedding and we are so excited. His aunt and uncle and grandma will be staying with us that weekend. Also his sister has been interviewing for jobs, etc and i have gotten to babysit my niece Alexa (WAY too any A names, i need a nice or nephew without an A name!) a lot. I LOVE IT! i get so excited to babysit her and after everything that has happened it's so nice to have a niece i can watch, play with etc! I get to babysit her tonight!

Cecelia- as i get closer and closer to the third trimester Kel and I have more and more to do to prepare for Cecelia. I am signing up for birthing classes, breastfeeding classes and baby classes at the hospital i will be delivering at, as well as setting up tours, etc. Not only that but we have picked a baptism day (Kel's brother wants to fly in from Texas for it, so we need a date set as early as we can so he can make it) and we need to set up appointments with the church and priest, etc. I am picking shower dates, that's exciting stuff! we still need to register online at for cloth diapers. We have also been going through our work schedules weekly and discussing when we would have needed daycare, this was we can budget and figure out costs, times, etc for daycare as best as possible with two random schedules like ours!

There's a lot going on, but it's all good and as long as i keep up with everything it should be low stress!

today's sex infused, media generated hateful and degrading society

So i am starting to think i should post more often, because i keep cranking out these super long posts! But honestly time does not allow me to READ posts everyday (or week sometimes) let alone write one!

So the other day i had a realization. My daughter is going (ok, is already, but she will be 10X more when she's OUT OF MY BODY!) to be SO blessed. I don't mean by material things, although i am sure she ALREADY has enough of those i can only imagine how spoiled blessed she will be by the time she gets here, instead i mean by the surroundings in which she will be raised. Let me explain:

One day about 2 months ago i was talking with friends. they are all my age and at least 2 years away from the "baby track" as they call it. Nonetheless we were talking about how scary it is raising a child, ESPECIALLY A LITTLE GIRL, in today's society. There's so much media, politics, sex, booze, lies, drama and negative feeds running around the world. There literally is no way to escape it all. My friends were all saying it's a scary day and age to be raising a child. All of the future stats were found in my "Communication through Media" text book from college, as of 2008.

• 50% of marriages end in divorce
• 25% of teenage girls get pregnant during high school
• 50% of children are born out of wedlock
• 68% of teenagers are having sex
• 59% of politic are trying to repress organized religion (for all you fellow Catholics out there, this is in fact a TRUE statement from BEFORE the current legislative slanders that have attempted to demoralize Catholicism- oh and i 'm really proud of my wording!)
• 80% of TV and movie ratings are inaccurate and suggestive- meaning that a PG movie such as Shrek has enough adult humor and vulgarity it COULD have been PG 13 but was changed in order to develop a different target audience.  
• there's no statistic, but racism is STILL and everlasting problem especially among Americans (where no two people are the same race or culture, even biological siblings can different racial make-ups based on prominent genetics. And racism is no longer black and white either, ti has grown to obscene proportions where any slight difference cane be a target for humiliation.
• 
  

These are all very scary statistics for a soon-to-be mother and for current parents. I admit, i watch TV shows that are wildly inappropriate and i ENJOY them and LOVE them. However i would not allow my daughter to watch them at the age media suggests (no my 12 year old daughter will not be watching Friends).  So after talking with my friends i MAY or may not have had a melt down about how my daughter is going to be raised wrong and succumb to all the social pressure placed on her by outside forces. I was worried, but i found my peace about the subject...

• My daughter will be raised Catholic. I can not guarantee i can afford a catholic education, but at home and around her friends and family she will learn catholic teachings, morals, values, self worth and most importantly and prayer relationship with God. She will get this starting the day she was conceived. This is a step in the right direction.
• She has a family who LOVES her to DEATH! literally. i cannot picture better grandparents than my parents. The are so willing and wanting to be there for every single step and want nothing but to love and treasure their grandchildren. It really is heart melting to see how much love my parents exude! And Kel's parents are full of love and spoils! My sisters are all SO pumped to have ANOTHER niece to love, and all my friends and her Godmother (my non-twin) and her extensive extended family have already been miles upon miles of love and support. She will never feel anything but love and therefore her protective bubble from the scourges of the world just got a little bit bigger.
• Divorce is a very racy subject. I in fact married a man who has been through a legal divorce and catholic annulment. His circumstance was that of a military shotgun wedding out of fear and sex. He was young (19) and his ex wife had a child from another man that was conceived during her first marriage (before Kel) not by her husband. After she abused him verbally and physically she then got pregnant by another man (again) not her husband. When my daughter is an appropriate age we do intend to tell her this. She has a right to know, and honestly education is the best defense. Her parents will never get divorced (not in my vocabulary). I was never affected by divorce until i met Kel and my daughter will never know first hand. Her mom and dad will live out the beauties and hardships of marriage everyday in front of her and she will be raised to honor and respect the marriage vows. It has never been a concern for me and i intend on it never begin a concern for her. 
• My daughter will have two cousins who are not of the same race as here (there aren't even the same race as each other). They are as much a part of my family as she is, and she will grow up never noticing color or ethnicity. Yay for her bigger protective bubble. 
• The sex thing will come from her morals and values. I find it hard to believe that 1/4 teenage girls gets pregnant and over 50% of them are having sex. My dad had 4 daughters, by that standard someone is hiding a VERY big secret and hid it VERY well! My sister-in-law has a child out of wedlock, so my daughter will get to see first hand how hard of a life she chose for herself versus the life Cecelia will get to live first hand. However she will also learn firsthand that life is the #1 most important thing,
• Finally Kel and I do not have cable TV, but we do have Netflix with a permanent child protective lock on it already (when really we have 3 years before that will affect us). I grew up without cable and instead learned to play outside. I will do my best to shelter her from as much media as possible, and yes she will see and be exposed to some of it, but i also have enough education on eh matter to therefore educate her.

The last thing is something i cannot shelter her from: politics. It is something we will have to educate her about while fighting it's inherent disregard to freedom. However, i have found education is the best defense against evil.

I was scared about raising a strong, independent young Catholic girl in today's sex infused, media generated hateful and degrading society, but i have found my peace. My husband and I are choosing to raise her in positive surroundings that will promote positive influences. We are so blessed and she will be 10X more blessed than us.

Uncool

So i am not so amused that Kel and I pay for wireless internet more than we originally said we would because we deemed it a necessity that would actually save us money. by having wireless internet we can check things on our phones, use my kindle fire for downloading books etc, and get netflix for $8 a month instead of getting cable. We didn't see the point in buying a home phone line if we were paying for cell phones, and we already had a Wii so WHY would be get cable (neither of us really ever would use it) so instead we got internet to help make things easier.

And what do you think happens with that wireless internet...

it only works 1/2 the time. the rest of the time it works, but ONLY in the office at the front of the house. Our only TV is in the basement and that's what we have netflix and the wii hooked up to. plus we keep my kindle in the bedroom or living room away from the front office. HENCE THE WIRELESS INTERNET! but no it never works. tonight i my last night off work for 2+ weeks and Kel is at work so i am home alone for the night ready to curl up with a new book (yet to be downloaded to my kindle) and a new tv show and THE INTERNET DOESN'T"T WORK!

i think you get my point. but honestly, it's not even the cheapest internet. we went with a "reliable" company and pay a few extra $$$ a month so we would always have reliable internet.... HAHAHAHA jokes on us! i just paid an obscene amount for internet, set-up, the modem, etc a week ago on our bill, and now it doesn't work. It better be dirt cheap next month or they are going to get a VERY angry phone call.

if you can't tell i'm a little bit angry. i was so excited about my quiet evening off and now i'm going to have to do dishes just to entertain myself and working on housework does not qualify a day off in my book! i don't even want a full day, just a couple hours and early bed.

My Crafty Love Languages

Last night... I got crafty. I got onto pin*terest, looked at a couple of crafts i actually thought would improve my life while sticking to my budget price of $5. So I looked through them and i found two things that I REALLY liked, and i DID them! this is very odd for me, usually i see something and ask someone else to do them for me. My sister-in-law came with as i got supplies and helped me make these two thing. Before i can tell and show pictures of what crafts i did, there is a story and a reason behind them (because otherwise i would be a NORMAL person who just DOES things for no reason!)

Way long ago when Kel and I were not even dating (3 days before we started "dating") we had a very deep and intense conversation. We both agreed that since we have been in HORRIBLE relationships and treated incorrectly by other people we were done playing the dating game. We both were looking for an old fashioned "courtship" where the time you spend together is used to determine if you will be headed down the isle. this is very old fashioned thinking, but neither of us was up for the emotional journey that negative relationships bring. So we decided to start dating, and if at any point in time one of us thinks (even a little bit) that we couldn't make this work FOREVER no hard feeling. Kel had one stipulation before we started dating after we both realized we were in the same place: that i read a book for him. He had read this book in the past and it completely changed his outlook on Love, so he wanted me to read it. It's called "the 5 Love Languages" by Gary Chapman.


So i started reading this book and like Kel my ideas and outlook about Love COMPLETELY changed. The premise of this book is that each person expressed and receives love in their own language. There are five languages total, physical touch, acts of kindness, quality time, words of affirmation and gifts. Everyone also has a "love tank" that needs filled by others (or their significant other). The only way to properly fill it is with THEIR love language. This books goes through each language how to speak and how to receive each language.

Well Kel was very obvious with what his language was: physical touch. If he needs a love tank boost, a hug will do the trick. i however am a very tricky one. My love language changes with my moods and takes a fair amount of effort to keep up, however Kel and I developed a system. Every week we had date night where we would go out and do something the guarantee that the "quality time" language was met. These dates nights were my favorite. Also Kel and i would write down little notes for each other a lot to give each other "words of affirmation." this way we always had physical signs of our love. This meant no matter what we spent time every day and week showing and telling our love for each other.

Since we got married A LOT has happened for us and date nights were no longer happening. We are on a tighter budget than ever with Baby Cecelia coming and our schedules don't allow us to be guaranteed one day a week off work. We also got so busy our "love tanks" were pushed to the side. This meant we did have a lot more fights (all about stupid things like whether or not we should rinse our dishes before putting them in the dishwasher) and we just weren't where we thought we should be.

So i did something about it. My first craft was a frame. I took a very simple (and CHEAP) frame and put stickers on it saying "i love you because..." then i got a dry erase marker, put a picture of us in it, and wrote reason why i love Kel on the glass. It's simple and he woke up this morning looking at all the reason i love him. Now when we most need it we have a way to fill each others love tanks.

The second craft i did was 3 date night jars. I decorated them (myself!) and then put Popsicle sticks with date ideas. each jar has a price range. We are to make time for 1 date a week and budget in $25 for each date (so about $100 a month). the first week we draw from the $0-$25 jar. We do what is on the stick and that's date night. Any money left over rolls into the next week's date night amount. So if we do a free activity the first week we get to draw from the $25-$50 amount jar the second week, etc, etc! The third jar is $50-$75. The date ideas are all creative and thought up by us, and there are more than 52, we when we do a date we take it out of the jar. we have dates set up for a whole year. Some dates even include a "kindness night" where we do a random act of kindness for someone we've never met instead of treating ourselves. For example on is in the $25-$50 range where we go to a restaurant and order ONLY an appetizer and waters. We have our date and spend time together, then we leave the rest of the money we have as a tip with a card saying "we have selected to do a random act of kindness for you. Please keep the change. Thanks for all your hard work." Or instead of taking a date we stay home but we buy someone random a tank of gas the next day.

So there is the story of how Kel and I learned to love, let ourselves go, and learned new tools to keep our love going strong every day!