Lamenting about 2011 and dreaming of 2012

Like the rest of the world i have already (since 6am) been thinking about the amazing year that 2011 has been and pondering what 2012 could possibly have in store!

2011 was an amazing and eventful year. If you wanna remember all the good times that is why you can reread old blogs. Today i have been trying to figured out WHAT made this such a good year. Originally i thought it was the events, graduation, adoption, MARRIAGE! but then i realized that it isn't the events that make a year good, it's the growth. This year there were some bad parts along with the good. However i was able to overcome the bad, grow and learn, and really cherish the good. that is something i have struggled with my whole life. It feels so good to finally achieve that.

Also, this year has shown me more than ever how truly blessed i am to have the family that i have. By family i mean the family that Kel and I have created (more on that later) but also my mom, dad, 3 sisters, 1 brother (in-law), a niece and a puppy-nephew! This year my family has grown in so many ways. We are actually larger by 1 boy, 1 girl, and 1 tbd boy or girl :)! We also have all grown closer, at least according to me. My family is awesome and i love each and every one of them to pieces. i have learned more in the past year about how truly blessed i am because i family like mine is the rarest type!

Finally, if you didn't get the hints throughout... I am looking forward to 2012 for so many reasons, but there's one REALLY BIG ONE that keep me on my toes! Kel and i are expecting our first child, Aug. 17th, 2012. While i thought 2011 was a whirlwind i am in for some big SHOCKS! We are REALLY excited about this and can not wait to see what is in store as we become parents. We did not expect this to happen this quickly (at all) but we are thrilled that it did.

I know not a whole lot of people read my blog, but i also know that everyone who reads it is really not interested in the wonders of being pregnant. In this matter i am DYING to post about what i have been going through with my pregnancy so far in the hopes to get some good advice. It is very weird for me to be the first in my family since my mom and the first in my group of friends to do ANYTHING, and i am DYING for people who have been through this and their hints and help! So i have created a BLOG for anyone who wants to read about how my pregnancy is going. This way it is each person's choice if they want to read my baby obsession or not!

I hope everyone has a safe and happy new year and i can't wait to post in 2012!

Old Married Life

So things lately have been crazy! Kel and I literally have both been working so much we went four days where the only time we saw each other was when one of us was sleeping. It has been crazy! However I am so proud of both of us for keeping our heads and working as hard as we are, because it definitely will "pay off" in the end. The thing i am most proud of is the fact that we both have learned when enough is enough. For example we were both very depressed after 4 days without any communication except texts and waking each other up to say we are home, so last night i didn't pick up an extra shift and we had a date! Then today we actually spend QUALITY time together, and tomorrow we are both off coincidentally! I am so excited by the thought of a whole day with Kel to catch up (wedding thank yous, Christmas Shopping, wrapping gifts, Christmas Cards, and napping are all on our to do list)! I feel like such an old married couple typing this, but it's the most exciting thing to me!

Also, as everyone knows i had interviews this week and last at a place for a job i really want (and it's full time with benefits!). Well the interviews went GREAT! It's weird though because the organization is currently restructuring to add a few managerial positions, and while they want to hire me on in a regular position, its 120 days after i start working on my own (after training and everything) before i can be transferred or promoted within. So what they really want to do is have me interview for the managerial positions that are being developed and have me start there so they only have to wait a 30 days instead of 90. It kinda sucks because nothing is definite yet and i would LOVE to start working as of last week. However right now i have 2 jobs and 2 weekly nanny positions plus babysitting and I am blessed and lucky to have so many! So keep praying that things go well with my dream job! Hopefully Tuesday i will know a little more.

Also i am working on getting promoted at my second job (the retail one). They are in need of a manager and after some training, etc. it might be me! That would be awesome because I'd have more control over my hours and the pay increase would be pretty cool. It's mostly just nice that all my hard work is finally paying off. I know i am not working where i want to be working (who is in this economy) but i am excited that my hard work finally is helping me grow.

My baby sister is turning 20... i feel SO OLD! It's so weird that we are all in our 20s on Sunday!

I am excited for next week, it's Secret Santa at work, Christmas Party with my friends and then my work Christmas Party!

Please Pray!

i have an interview tomorrow for a job i REALLY REALLY want!

please pray for me!

that's all i can put, i need a good nights rest so i am ready to be AWESOME for tomorrow!

please keep praying, kel and i need this for a lot of different reasons!


btw... who is the saint of interviews/jobs/achieving dreams/ or anything related???? does anyone know????

Overcoming my grumpiness.

So i really really really really really want to type an entire blog just complaining. I have had a very rough time the past week for a lot of reasons. it has been emotional on SO many levels i think my husband is ready to hide for a few days. however, because tomorrow is Thanksgiving i REFUSE to be that whiny girl who can't think of anything to be grateful for and constantly complains when she more blessed than the rest of the world. So instead of complaining i am taking the HIGH road, here are my Thanks!

1. My faith. it keeps me going even when I'm weak! By faith i really mean God! i figured he was a given, so i put my ability to believe and accept and live with God as my number one.

2. My Husband! every morning i look at him and know that it will all be worth it! He is my rock whom without there is no telling where i would be. I love him more now (it's been over one month!) than the day i married him. I love our life together adn would do anything for it. Thanks Hubby!

3. My family! i am realizing more and more every day how truly blessed i am to have the family i have. My parents have raised 4 beautiful, very intelligent, hardworking catholic girls who have lived extra ordinary lives helping others in different ways (bragging: my sister and i have 5 1/2 college degrees-Julie's not done- for 4 daughters, that's not very common to be able to say). My sisters and i have been through so much and knowing that i have three best friends to turn to at any point is just amazing! I am so blessed with the love and support and kindness my family gives to me there are no words to describe it! My parents have taught me so much and still teach me a bunch!

4. My home... it is such a cute amazing little townhouse that is worth every penny (minus one neighbor) and we were lucky to get it in the first place and now we are blessed to have such an extravagant home.

5. my friends! All of them (in no order) my college, my prayer partner, my high school friend, kel's small group! I know how hard ti is without a close network of friends and i am blessed to be able to call anyone if i need anything and someone will always be there to help me.

6. My niece Anna! (sorry family and friends, but she gets her own one!) She truly is the biggest living example of a miracle in my life. every time i look at her or think of her story of how she came into my life i tear up. without her my family would not be complete and that little sassy-pants-over-achieving-bundle-of-love is the greatest reminder of how much other people sacrifice in order to love someone. I love my other new niece and i will love all my future niece and nephews... however Anna holds a very dear place to me. My family went through a lot before she joined us and it all just made us love her more. It is so obvious to see how the love and happiness of the family she joined has affected her, because i have never seen a happier baby (and i work at a day care). She is a constant reminder of love and her smile just shows the world that she knows she is safe and loved and happy. I am so thankful that my family gets to experience this... and if I'm this sappy about my niece i wonder what having my own kids will do to me.

7. my intelligence. I defiantly take this for granted, but i am so thankful to be a hardworking intelligent woman. There are a lot of people out there without the education and common sense that i have and i can't imagine life without either of those. So i am blessed by my intelligence (when i choose to use it!).

8. i am thankful for sunshine! it makes me happy!

9. I am thankful for my jobs. I have many and they all provide food and shelter and comfort. Not everyone can say that and i am SO BLESSED to be working and living off my own hard work. It might not be my dream job, but it gives me everything i could ever ask for.

So yeah, i am obviously thankful for SO MUCH MORE, but i have dishes to do before my husband gets home! This list has helped me to not be so grumpy adn complaining about whats going wrong with my life and has helped me to remember what's going right! Next time you are grumpy... make a list of thanks and see what happens!

Thanks to my Guardian Angel

Spoiler Alert: Kel and i have no money!

It's true! We both work very hard yet bills always seem to outweigh the paychecks. Since i am pretty sure that is how our life will be going no matter how much our paychecks are, we are getting used to it. we have a budget in place and we are spending WAY less, putting money into savings, and cutting costs whenever possible.We both appreciate hwo hard theother works, and that is enough incentive to not blow our money on pointless stuff.

Recently Kel had a horrible fall down the stairs that after hours of unconsciousness landed him with an ambulance ride to the ER. He had EVERY SINGLE test they coupld possibly think of run on him and was then sent home. All worry and medical purposes aside this for any normal person would be jsut another expense but would have insurance to help with the blow of it all. Kel has/had no insurance. So this bill was 100% totally on us. The total bill was a little over $10,000 for the whole thing.

Kel applied for a charity program through the hospital. For month we have been waiting to hear back from them. We are now at the point of bill being so late on their payment that payment plans are not an option and we have to magically discover $10,000 to  cover everything. Then we heard from our angel. Kel was not only accepted into the charity payment program, but they are covering EVERYTHING except the ambulance ride (a little over $500).Since the moment i heard this have been saying Thank You prayers. We would not have managed if the bill had fallen completely on us, but since God is AWESOME and provided for those who do His will, we are covered. My husband is happy and healthy and now to can focus on other debts (student loans, car payment, rent, etc) without worrying about over drafting my account by $10,000. This makes Christmas Shopping more of a reality and less of a severe fear.

I am just so blessed and so happy right now!

Oh i also have a new niece. Kel's sister had a baby yesterday and she's a cutie! her name is Alexa Joy!

A Wife's Tale

I have to admit, i have never really thought about veterans day in the past. Every now and then i would see or hear something... think of the troops and vets, say a prayer and that was all. All of this changed 2 years ago when is started dating my now husband. Most people actually don't know that he is a veteran, but he is and it has not been an easy road for him to live.

I always thought that the armed services was kinda like a job. you go, you work for x amount of time, then you move back settle down and get a "real" job. Of course some stay and that's cool but i never realized the effects being in the arm services has on people, until Kel.

Kel was in the Navy from age 18 to 21. He went straight out of high school and enlisted. He became more than the average sailor and worked his way into the field of Naval Intelligence. He did a lot of very dangerous things, in a lot of very dangerous places with a lot of very dangerous people. He had a very specific job and it was not an easy one. In fact nobody is allowed to know details, including me. Then after a few traumatic event befell his life he was able to leave the armed services a bit early in order to keep himself out of harm's way. Kel is a very strong (physically and mentally) man. What he lived through in the Navy meant that becoming a citizen again was not an easy task. in fact it took him over 6 months to realize how to live as an adult on his own. After that it took another year to get a job, learn to work not under military style management, live on his own and relieve himself of the stress and pressure that were put on him at such a young age. Years after being out of the navy Kel still has to live with medical and emotional scars from his service to the country, as well as constantly be looking to see if his friends still in the armed services are safe. I have seen the scar from where he got shot. I've heard the pain of a nightmare and memory of what he has seen. I've seen the anger of a helpless man. All so that i can live my normal life everyday. All so that we can raise our future kids safely. All so that i can go to work as a woman and have rights without persecution.

Veterans day is my new favorite holiday. It's a day i can tell my husband "Thank You" personally for risking his life to save mine, when he didn't even know me. It means so much to say that to him personally, because he is my hero!

I can not wait until my nieces and nephews and children are old enough that i can tell them about Uncle Kel and Daddy. About how he went out and fought the bad guys. About how he wore that uniform and kept us safe. Kel has been on a long journey to the man he is today and it has been a lot longer and harder because of what he has seen and done. So if you get the chance please tell him or another veteran thank you. They didn't have to do it, but they did it and they did it with Pride!

the top 10 updates on my life (in random order)

SO... things are crazy and hectic for Kel and I, but in a very good way most of the time. Here are a few updates on how things are going:

1. Kel and I both have over 50 hours of work this week (me at 55ish and him at 65ish)! While some people think this is crazy both Kel and I are very excited about this. we botha re hard workers and although we don't always love our jobs we love working. Hard work is the number one way we can say "I Love You" to each other. I am so proud of him because working this hard is how i was raised so it's natural to me, but to Kel it is very much a learned thing and he is a wonderful man!

2. we got a Wii (for cheap because we have no money) and Super Mario. Which means i am able to reward myself with 30minutes of Mario time each day if i get my to do list done, eat right, and exercise! i think it's a much better reward than food, because that negates eating healthy.

3. Some time this week i will have another niece named Alexa. Kel's younger sister is due today. It's a rough situation but we are praying for her and the baby and it will be fun to have a little baby around to hold when we see the "in-laws."

4. Kel and I are setting up double dates and i am setting up some girls nights with my friends for November and December. This is HUGE for us. Kel and I have been trying for awhile to find a social group we really fit in with and it's a lot harder than we expected. We are a young, religious, married couple and yet we just don't have many friends who identify with us (i have a lot of my girlfriends and he has his bible study, but as a couple we dont have a lot of people to set up monthly game nights with, etc). So we are very excited to have a couple of double dates and friend nights set up... but we always wanna add more if people get bored!

5. We need to start and finish Thank-Yous. UGH!

6. Our townhouse is a mess. Downside to working so much is there's no time to clean.

7. So i work at a retail store (a plus size woman's retail store) and with Holidays coming up there are a lot of sales. Today was the last day of our 40% off everything in the store sale. I worked open to close and was expecting to be busy, but since everything's cheaper than usual (still not very cheap) i was expecting people to be friendly. NOT TODAY! i was yelled at, borderline harassed, mocked, scoffed and treated rudely by over 75% of the people that came into the store. It gets really hard to smile and be nice and give good customer service to people who dumb clothes everywhere, make you run to the back 5 times for a pair of pants you don't buy and complain about everything; and i do mean EVERYTHING! a lady complained that the shoes i was wearing were cuter than the ones for sales and she wanted to buy the shoes OFF MY FEET and have me wear the ones in the store! WHO DOES THAT? I found it very hard to be nice and patient with people, but i still was. My boss complimented me on how composed i stayed even after she had given up and gone to hide in the back for fear of saying a mean thing to a nasty customer. I think we should hand out brochures at the doors that say "we are working minimum wage to provide food for our families with crappy district managers and no dignity, please at least be polite as we clean up after you, fetch clothes for you, and fight with 10 year old computer that don't work in order to sell you clothes that you probably don't need anyway."

(sorry to rant, it had to come out)

8. i got a full time position at my other job! this makes life a little easier!

9. I am applying for a DREAM job this week. I want it a lot, but i am much more relaxed about it because i know i have a full time job no matter what comes out of this, so i can actually WANT this job without absolutely NEEDING it. It's a great feeling knowing i can look for jobs in a career i want and not jsut any job i will hate in order to pay my bills.

10. Last but definitely the most important... Today was Sunday and i LOVE Sundays because Kel and I got to mass together. Not only that but we go with my parents, which i like. It means i get a least one hour of God time that i also spend with just me and Kel and my parents. That is literally the most quality time you can have with your spouse and parents. (plus i still get kicks out of giving Kel a little peck on the lips during sign of peace! it's the small things that give me peace, but i will take them when i get them.)

Unanswered questions...

So, now that Kel and I are married (not even a whole week yet) people have been asking us about the next phase in our life... kids! I am shocked at how quickly people transition from married and expect immediately for me to be open and honest enough to discuss when and how Kel and I's family will be growing. Although i am very upfront and honest with people, i do keep some aspects of my life very very very private (ex: I can not stand PDA, Kel and I will never do more than hold hands or put arms around each other in public, our wedding days was the exception to this rule of course). One of these very private issues for me is Kids.

So I am going to publicly give the plan that Kel and I have about expanding our family on the internet so all i have to do is tell people to read my blog and leave me alone. First of all, Kel and I are open and willing to receive the blessing of children at any point in time in our life as according to God's Plan! However, this does not mean that we are intently trying to have kids right now. If we have things our way we would like to enjoy our marriage for AT LEAST 6 months, settle in, take some vacations, save A LOT of money, and really make sure our marriage is sound and comfortable before embarking on the journey of children. We would both like to have sound and steady full time with benefits jobs, but that is not going to be the basis of our decision. Overall we really need time to focus on each other, get into a routine and learn communication as a married couple.

Also, Kel and I are on a major health kick right now. Because of infertility being a very close part of my life (since my sister is awesome and very open about it check out her blog  http://familyofheads.blogspot.com/ for more information about infertility, adoption and the blessing of life) Kel and I are very very very aware of the issue. We have been taking NFP (natural family planning) classes and have learned a lot about my body and what our chances of having children are/will be. We are not 100% sure if i can ever even physically have children, but that is something we wont know until we diligently try. However we know that being able to have children is not going to be the easiest thing in the world for me and if i ever get pregnant we know it will not be the easiest of pregnancies. Because of previous health issues, my hip/leg/back problems, and my weight and general unhealthy living getting pregnant and being pregnant are automatically labeled as difficult. The doctor has explained all of this to us and because of this I am on a very strict lifestyle to getting myself as healthy as physically possible. I know i cannot do this alone, so poor Kel is also making drastic lifestyle changes.

These changes include waking up at 5am every day (no matter what time i get to bed) to ensure that i have enough time to workout before i do anything else. This will help my flexibility and my body's ability to handle extra stress on joints and muscles (btw, exercising is a very painful thing for me because of my hip and back. anything more than a brisk walk is excruciatingly painful) and to get my metabolism and blood flow moving for the entire day. I also take a nice long brisk walk before bed with my amazing husband to ensure that i don't get cramps in my muscles at night and that my hip stays in socket while i sleep. Also Kel and I are eating as healthy as possible. My breakfast is only an egg and a fruit smoothy, with snacks of fiber bars and vegetables (usually as a V8 drink because i HATE most vegetables), lunch is more fruit and a sandwich, and dinner is vegetables and a small about of protein. I throw in extra snacks of fiber and fruit then add more water than i thought physically possible and you have my day! I also have to make sure i get enough sleep to feel rested and lay off all caffeine sources (except 8ounces of coffee a day to ensure i don't kill anyone) along with not eating any sugar! This might not seem so bad for a lot of people, but for me it is a lot and the suddenness of all these lifestyle changes is the hardest part to handle. However it is SO ABSOLUTELY IMPORTANT for these changes to take place if Kel and I ever want to have the option of having children.

So to answer quesitons... yes Kel and I want kids! i am so excited to be pregnant and to start of that journey of our family, but i can wait a little bit. Our first priority right now is our life and making sure it is stable and steady. Our next priority is our health, getting me healthy and making sure that i can physically handle kids in every stage!

Hope this helps people to understand Kel and I a little bit... i promise most of my blogs will not be this informative about such private issues, but i really need people to understand that Kel and I are not against children, we just have a lot to do before we are ready for them. 

Keeping the Peace

So a few moments ago i posted that i was going to keep my Blog name Schmitty... and then i realized i needed to clarify that! i am keeping my Blog URL as "littlebitschmitt.blogspot.com" However, i have decided to change the title of my blog to Keeping God's Peace! and of course, there is a story behind this decision...


My life is spent with constant noise and movement. anyone who knows me and who especially knows Kel knows that we never stop, EVER! For my whole life people have been telling me i need to slow down and enjoy life, have some peace and quiet, find peace of mind. What people don't realize is that i have spent my whole life searching for peace, and it was not until Friday, Oct. 21st, 2011 that i found it and found out what "peace" meant.

Peace is not silence, it is not boredom! Peace is the simply ability to see that life is a part of God's plan, not yours and that everything that happens both good and bad is a part of that plan. there is a sign hanging in Kel and I's front bathroom that says "Peace is not the absence of conflict, but the presence of God." This is the truest thing i have ever read. I spent 22 years looking for an absence of conflict when that just leads to more stress. Life with peace means i will have bad and stressful days, it means i will have to work harder than the average person to maintain my peace, but it means i will live a fulfilled life plan because it will be a life of God's Plan not my own.

Life i said i discovered this on Oct. 21st, 2011. That was the day before i got married and i was  WRECK! i didn't have cold feet, but i did have anxiety that everything would go wrong and would be a wreck and that my wedding would be ruined. At one point that day BOTH my maid of honors (thank goodness i had 2) had to take me away from life and tell me to calm down. At this point i realized that it does not matter what goes wrong tomorrow, all that matters is that Kel and I are able to get married in the sacrament of Christ. I said a little prayer, and then i stopped and calmed myself so i could hear the answer to my prayer. What i got was a calm that for the first time ever in my life i was following God's plan perfectly. He had hand chosen Kel for me, He had hand chosen the day Oct. 22nd for me, and He had even chosen an almost Saint to guide and lead Kel and I's marriage for the rest of our life (Blessed Pope John Paul II). At this point i calmed down and let the peace settle over me. After that things went great.

The next days i was the calmest i had EVER been. My sisters and mom and Maid of Honors all commented on how calm i was considering it was my wedding day. I had no response because i knew that it was because i had finally accepted God's Peace, let it have a part in my life and knew i was living our God's plan for me by marrying the one God chose for me!

So now my blog's title will be "Keeping God's Peace" because my life is all about maintaining the Peace that God has given me. My marriage is blessed, by husband is a wonderful man of God and our little family is strong enough to survive everything with the help of God and the occasional (read constant) intercession of JP2 (who is best known for his teachings on Family Life and Marriage Responsibility!)

I love married life!

Married life is great! Kel and i have done a lot and learned a lot about each other since Saturday, and it hasn't even been a whole week. I know that this is not what married life will always be like, and that there will be hard times, but i am determined to enjoy the "honeymoon" phase as long as possible! However, my name will be changing but my blog name will not! Kel and i have talked, and of course i will always be a Schmitt girl and therefore my life will always be "a little bit schmitty!" My new name is Robson, but i am still Sara and therefore i am keeping my blog name the same!

Since Saturday Kel and i have taken 3 days off to enjoy a "honeymoon" but we didn't go anywhere. instead we stayed home and got everything done that we needed to and i do not know how long we would have been burried in stressful work if we hadn't taken this time to do things. We got all of gifts put away and organized (which took a lot of efforts because we got more things than we could fit in our townhouse/kitchen! but with some creative engineering it all fits PERFECTLY and is all easily accessible and categorized... I'm pretty proud!) We also go things returned and purchased what was needed (vacuum, cleaning supplies, and a snow shovel-woohoo) at all the stores we had gifts cards. I think Bed, Bath and Beyond, Sears, and Target cringe when they see Kel and I coming!

We ate out, which is HUGE for us because we don't have money to spend therefore we rarely ever eat out, for at least 1 meal each day and we really spent time talking about everything, including our immediate and far futures.

Then we played Harry Potter Scene-It. I use the word "played" very loosely because it is more like i answered all the questions correctly and Kel lost by such an alarming amount it is embarrassing.

this may sound lame and boring to a lot of people... but it is exactly this that i have been looking forward to for so long. I am SO SO SO excited i cannot describe to get into some sort of a routine. I have loved the little things and it's those little things in life i am determined to enjoy and live for.

Next Blog post hopefully i will have some wedding pictures to put up and more boring mundane things about married life to post! Also some pictures of our very well put together townhouse!

Oh and we got a Sam's Club membership... BEST IDEA EVER! we are stocked up on groceries for a month and for the cheapest we have ever shopped! 

Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep... on a REAL bed!

So recently things have been getting stressful and frustrating, and i believe it's because i know the wedding is so close, yet it still seems so far away. Today however, i have wanted it to be here more than EVER BEFORE! Kel and i got a wedding gift today (from my parents) that is the most amazing gift ever and is probably the only thing that we truly needed.... A BED! Kel and i got an air mattress awhile ago thinking that we wouldn't able to buy a bed for awhile. Kel has been sleeping on it for over a month now and has been suffering from bad back pain because of it. I have to admit that I was less than thrilled at the idea that Kel and I would start off our marriage without an actual bed.

I am not exactly the best sleeper on earth, i tend to talk, thrash, kick and move a lot in my sleep. Kel would be lying if he didn't say he is slightly nervous about my sleeping habits! An air mattress would only have made this worse! But because my parents are AMAZING! kel and i do not have to worry about where we will sleep at night! I am the kind of person that likes to play with her Chirstmas and Birthday Gifts THAT DAY because they are shiny and new and exciting, so the thought that i have to wait TWO WEEKS (and 1 day) to sleep in my new bed is enough to make me go crazy! Oh and i really want to marry Kel!

Along with my anxiety and impatience everything else is starting to heat up. Work is crazy, i barely survived vomit-a-rama at work (seriously, i was serverely thrown up on, multipled teachers got sick within hours, and 11 out of 16 kids were sick the next day) but i am still not out of the clear! I am taking a couple more dance lessons with my dad! We are working on final details and rehersal dinner details! we have 1/2 our responce cards back! i pick up my dress on Tuesday! I am scrabling for every spare minute i can to catch up on sleep! We pick up our marriage lincense this week! Things are crazy, but keeping me busy means i don't sit and dwell on how long until i am married to the PERFECT guy (15 days, 20 hours, 19 minutes)!

i'm SO ANGRY!

So as EVERYONE IN THE WORLD knows (because i talk of nothing else) Kel and i are 17 short days away from embarking one the lifelong journey of marriage!woohoo! however today i heard something on the radio about marriage (in mexico) that made me not only sad but super duper angry. Apparently (i heard this on WBNQ) in Mexico they are trying to amend the marriage license because of the above 50% divorce rate. The new amendments would say that a marriage license is only valid for 2 years (apparently 50%+ couple get divorced in the first 2 years in Mexico city and it is rising at an alarming rate) and if you choose to stay married after 2 years you have to renu your marriage licence, if not you would have identified a prenuptial agreement about money and kids so you would go your separate ways no longer married yet no need for a divorce. their reasoning behind this is because all this divorce is wasting time and resources and clogging up the court systems.

THIS IS THE DUMBEST AND MOST STUPID THING I HAVE EVER HEARD! No couple should go into marriage thinking that is this doesn't last no worries we'll be over in a year! I don't even think dating should be like that. The absurdity that marriage is of no meaning or value in a predominantly catholic society just breaks my heart. Marriage is a glorious union between two people to mirror Christ's love for His church! God didn't say "this is too hard i want my half of the money" and leave, no He said "i love you so much have my son and i want nothing in return."

Marriage is supposed to be a selfless gift from one person to each other showing the Christ within yourself to your husband or wife. I know it's not always easy, i am not even married yet and Kel and i aren't exactly on a cake walk. We have had ups and downs and plenty of struggles in our relationship! Our marriage is a chance for us to profess our Love and give sacramental grace to each other physically putting God at the center of our relationship!

Sorry about the preachy Marriage lesson, i can't help it! It bothers me so much that people keep asking me and Kel if we really want to do this or if we will make it through! I would not be marrying him if i did not think 100% that Kel and I were going to be married until death and even in our hearts after. God is the center of our life already, and after marriage he will be shown through our love together and out children that we will have together.

Now to clarify things... i do not agree in divorce. I know why people get divorced, and if there is truly a reason that a marriage is invalid that is why the church grants annulments. Things like abuse, cheating, lies, etc are not things that should ever be a part of a marriage. However, if you and your spouse are of strong faith the the Lord then they never will. I will never have to worry about Kel lying to me, cheating on me or abusing me physically or mentally. If these are your concerns before you get married then you really shouldnt get married. I know a lot of divorced people, and i seek no judgement on them. That was their choice and their decision and i am not one to pass judgement. However if someone were to ask my advice on whether or not to get a divorce i would tell them that it should not be in their vocabulary. if you are willing to destroy your family, then maybe you should be willing to try and rebuild it.

If you know Kel and I's story you know that we have had to evaluate our lives and see what we feel about divorce and marriage. Kel recently became Catholic and in this he learned and adhered to all the Catholic teachings about marriage. We have had our marriage blessed by the church and we are more blessed than ever to get to solidify our love forever in front of God and everyone we know!

It's so frustrating how the world see marriage, and i wish that every married couples could feel the blessing that Kel and i will feel the day of our wedding. I know a lot of young married, catholic (and christian) couples have the same understanding and have received God's Blessings bountifully. if everyone could see marriage as we do then divorce would never be an option.

I am shaking i am so mad at how Mexico is treating one of the greatest gifts God has given us!

Cold Polar Bear!

This is a conversation that i had with a toddler, about 20 months old.

me: "what does a dog say?"
her: "brrrr"
me: "what does a cow say?"
her: "moo"
me: "what does a polar bear say?"
her: "BBBRRRRRRR!"

moments like this make me giggle for a week!

2 day vacation with a 1 day recovery

So this past weekend Kel and i did the Engagement Encounter through the Diocese of Peoria. This is a weekend retreat that engaged coupled go on to help prepare them for marriage. Kel and i LOVED it! all the questions and topics were ones that we already covered and knew the answers too! however, this weekend gave us a chance to focus solely on each other (not the wedding, not work, not family, not life, just each other) for two whole days. it was awesome. kel and i are even more in love (did not know that was possible) and now understand the importance of taking time for us.

Kel and i have been working harder than ever before in the past couple of months. we work hard because we need the money, and for awhile that was the only reason. we finally have taken the chance to realize we are working hard for all the wrong reasons. Money is never  a reason to do something (although it's a good reason NOT to do somethings). Kel and i need to work hard to build a life for each other. we need to put our life around the money we make, not try and make enough money to fit our life. I hope that makes sense to everyone.

The biggest wake up call to this was not this weekend, but this morning. i was so mentally exhausted from this weekend that i fell asleep in the spare room at the townhouse last night. i work up at 6:30 to start getting ready for work and started throwing up instead. on top of that my nose wont stop running my head feels like 100lbs of pressure and i have a fever (we don't have a thermometer so we don't know how high of one). i didn't go into work today and that was a huge mental battle. i HATE missing work especially when we get new hospital bills everyday. i never call in sick or take a day off unless it's a major deal, so after such a good weekend i am home sick watching Kel do all the cleaning and laundry! I don't do well when i am sick.... i really get knocked on my ass and it's hard to deal with for me and other people because i tend to get really whiny.

Anyway,  have learned a lot in the past 3 days and i am hoping that Kel and i continue to grow like this everyday of our life together, because that truly would be amazing!

Mushy Alert!!!!!

Today Kel noticed something about me. i have always known this but for the first time he noticed this....

i was sitting outside on our deck and he was watching me from teh window (not as creepy as it sounds), anyway i was deep in thought and aparently looked sad (i say concentating, he says sad). Anyway he opened the door, i looked up and my face lit up into a huge smile. he came out and sat next to me giving me a really odd look. then he asks "do you always light up when i walk into a room? i never noticed that before." instead od answering i laughed! Yes i always light up (or roll my eyes :P ) when Kel walks into a room! i have since our first official date. The night before i had made him Tacos, we shared life stories and watched Transformers. The next day i sent him a fb message saying i was going to the Epiphany Carnival (he had no cell phone to call him). So suddenly as i was getting ready he walked in and i smiled as big as i could... the rest is history!

Now, it's time to get really mushy! In two months i will be marrying the guy i never thought i would meet! He pushes me to be the best i can be. He understands that i am a dreamer and will settle for nothing less than my dreams. He works hard for me and for us! I am so lucky!

the wedding is going well. Some stress, some drama, some details to worry about! overall Kel and i just want it here and underway so we can start our life together. Lets face it, i also really really really want to dance and boogy the night away! It's gonna be a blast!

My love affair with pandora....

and yes i mean the music station that lets you listen for free! So amazing and is the best way to settle any mood!

BTW.... i am so sick of full time job hunting i want to cry every time i read a cover letter or resume! But i am not giving up becuase if i did that then you would have to find a whole new name for me becuase Sara Schmitt does not give up!

So i just looked at my bulletin board on my desk and realized i have an expired coupon for a $ off anything at Jewel-Osco... kinda bummed about that!

Crystal Light ROCKS my world!

My finace did an awesome job cleaning the townhouse!

Oh and did i warn that this is just a random blog post with all my scatterbrained thoughts!

I love my new phone, it is awesome! it tells me when i have facebook updates and new emails. however it is more frustrating becuase i keep looking at it an realizing jsut how pathetic i am. so far today nobody has called, texted, facebooked, or emailed me! So really the fact that my phone does all these things is useless becuase nobody else ever cotacts me (except Kel)!

The phone also is a constant reminder of the 20+ applications i put out there and the 0 replies i have had!

Oh i also lost all my numbers, so i can efficively call or next nobody!

Jack Johnson is on Pandora! Mmmmm he is so mellow and dreamy (btw, i am listening to my favorite Michael Buble radio station on Pandora)

I think that is all for now... i hope you enjoyed 2 minutes in the mind of Sara! Yes, it is always like this!

Life updates....

So i have some fun updates on jobs, wedding, and life!

First: Kel is hardcore nesting! it's hilarious to watch and so adorable if you ask me. He is all about keeping the townhouse spotless and spends most of his days off cleaning. He is almost done rearranging furniture (please read I am almost done rearranging furniture) and we just need to get pictures and decor on the wall and home will be complete!

Wedding things are great. we have the reception finalized. the best part about it is the day of the wedding Kel and i have to do NOTHING! we have it set so that nobody will have work today except the hall employees. We are finishing up details about the ceremony. we also got our wedding bands and are working on little details. the only major thing left to do is get invites and it's almost time to print and send them! scare but so so so so exciting. we are meeting with the florist to get things finalized. i honestly am mostly exited about  the flowers! they are going to be GORGEOUS! with all the fall colors i just can't wait to see them!!!! we also met with the photographer, we have our rides all set and we are finalizing the wedding party, etc! it's all going so well and Kel has done most (please read ALL) of it! i am so blessed to have an awesome fiance.

If only Job applications were as much fun as that. i have been applying to a few here and there all summer, but now i have hit the hardcore application time. my gal is to apply to 3 jobs a day until i get something. Today i applied to my top 3 choices, so it's ok to say today was extra stressful. i applied to one radio station, one conference center (event coordinator) and a not for profit organization! let's see if i hear back from any of them. Prayers would be great at this point.

For the big news, Kel is working on his promotion! we found out a few weeks ago that he will be promoted and he has started the process. the goal is to have him a manager by january (which would be AMAZING) and  he is already doing awesome! i am so proud of his hard work and determination!

there's your update for the day! My hip is still hurting, but Kel has me starting a healthy lifestyle today, so we will see if i can fix my impossible health problems!

a crutch down memory lane!

I finally figured it out... the problem with my madness! my whole life i have been working! i am a hard worker and there is nothing wrong with that, actually that is a good things. However i finally learned that i have been working for the wrong reasons. I have been working to make money and then using the money to build a life with kel. It took a 3 1/2 hour ER visit for me to learn that my hard work is not paying off because i am not working hard enough at the right things.

Yesterday i wen to the ER. I have been having some hip pain for the past three years. since my ankle surgery my hip has not functioned right. i went to the doctors a few times and chiropractor multiple times and it helped for a bit then things would get worse. yesterday i finally hit the worse point, and Kel took me to the ER. while there i had my blood pressure taken and it was abnormally high, even for me 9a person with ridiculously high blood pressure0. that scared me, and it scared Kel even more. after x rays and shots i found out i pulled some muscles and sprained my hip, got put on pain meds and sent on my way.

This whole thing brought back the whole ordeal i went through last time. the 5 years of random ER visits with "sprained" ankles that finally resulted in surgery. the surgery completely melted my life down, made me stop working for 6 months, put me in a wheel chair. The 6 months of being layed up taught me who my true friends were and made it so i never went through a "party" phase in life. It cost me some awesome relationships, and was HELL for 6 months and then another 6 months to rebuild my life. I gained over 75 pounds and am still trying to physically deal with the repercussions. Those are all the negative things that they never tell you when they say surgery is the best scenario. Yeah a lot of good came out of it, but to this day i am still trying to figure out my life because of this surgery.

i am not saying that i did not learn a lot. i really did. i am so glad to be where i am at today. however, physically and mentally it is a lot to deal with! i know my health sucks! for a 22 year old to be having hip problems, constant doctor visits, high blood pressure, and other things is scary.  i feel like i am a 22 years old alive and well girl trapped in a 65 year old body that can't keep up!

the worst part is, i feel like it is all starting again. except this time i have the future i am building with Kel in jeopardy. We both are so excited to be getting married, but i am to the point where my only goal is to actually WALK down the isle. i refuse to crutch, limp, rolls or be carried down the isle. such a small thing for most people, but right now it's the only thing i want! i know i can handle anything life throws because Kel is there to help me! i know we will be happy no matter what happens and that our life together will be great. All i need is for the next 3 months to hurry up!

my empty social calendar!

I've always been  a WORKAHOLIC! by no means do i work more than a lot of people, but i do work a lot. before Kel it was easy for me to balance work and friends and me time becuase those were the only things i had going on (and school, but all my friends had school too, so that was a social thing). Then i met Kel and since then i know that i have been difficult to hang out with. It takes time and energy keeping my relationship with Kel as awesome as it is, and i woudn't change our relationship or the maount of work we put into it for the world.

However, my friends and i have all found other things in our life and a sincerely miss hanging out with them. i miss planning nights at the bars, cocktail parties, fiesta dates, movie nights where we never watch movies. Right now all i get is teh occasional Monday night and the bachlorette with a friend or two. i used to be a social butterfly, and as Kel and i were going over the guest list for the wedding i realized how many people i havent talked to or hung out with in WAY to long!

Hopefully i will be able to relax at work (financially this will be never, but mentally i am hoping it's soon) and i will get to catch up with people before the wedding!

i miss being a social butterfly, so text me and we will hang out! i am sad that i work so much i have no time for my friends!

Bridezilla

After over a year of waiting, i am finally at the 1/4 of a year point until my wedding. when i say it's in 3 1/2 months it seems like so short, but october still seems so far away. we have a lot to do, but really we are not in a bad place as far as planning goes.

The closer i get to the wedding the More relaxed i have become about it. a year ago i was headed straight down bridezilla lane. i wanted everything done my way and would not listen to anyone. Then i saw an episode of bridezillas and realized that although those women are extreme, i want no part in treating Kel or anyone else the way they treat the people they love. how could any guy still want to marry them after that. So instead i changed my attitude.

However, there were speed bumps that really tested my attitude. People wanting certain things, people making it about them, and Kel's immediate family's drama causing a lot of emotional baggage. Finally i reached the mature decision that even though i am having a big wedding and inviting A LOT of people, i honestly do no care who comes. the only people are want there are the ones who truly are joyous and willing to celebrate in the wonderful covenant that will take place between Kel and myself (and the ones who want to party and celebrate afterwards). if anyone is there for their own attention or reasons, i don't want them there at all.

for the first time in my life it will be all about me (ok not the first time in my life, everyday is all about me, but for the first time in my new life i am starting with Kel and for the first time where it ACTUALLY is about me and not a made up reason in my life) and kel and out life together.

i am glad a had a long engagement because it took me a year to figure that out with Kel. This makes me wonder what other things i will start to realize in the next year!

Walking on Broken glass...

so, my life is pretty much one big accident! by that i mean a lot of random accidental things always happen to me and there is no rhyme or reason why! for example, this week has been horrible because of random little accidents happening.

First i slipped and spilled my mom's tea all over my dad's computer, and killed it. i felt horrible, but it's one of those things that was a complete accident and out of my control, but still happened and cost my dad a lot of money he didn't need to spend! so that put me in a bad mood.

then at work i have been slipping and making mistakes and not double checking things. this has made me look incompetent and therefore people have been noticing my mistakes and it makes them worse which makes me feel even schmittier!

Finally, at work one day a rock busted the back passenger window of kel's car. it shattered all inside my car and was a mess. However, i do not have to pay for it because my boss is amazing and it's the lawn mower's fault! so normally this would just be a sucky  thing that was handled and no worries! But, because my life can't be simple, i am going to St. Louis with Kel for our anniversary. My car is in no shape to be driven that far and Kel's car (which is the one with the busted window) has a busted window. it was supposed to be fixed at work today, but LITERALLY NO window place in town has the part and so it is impossible to fix.

Kel and i ended up finding a ride (thanks mom) to STL and can still have a good time. i just can't seem to shake off how horrible this week has been and how many little things have turned into dramatic disasters. All of them have had solutions, but it still has given me a huge headache. i feel like i have a big rain cloud over my head. i want to have a good weekend, but i am just drained and scared! i can't handle anything else going wrong, but i am scared that it will!

Quick LIfe Updates!

I hope you know i am writing this instead of going to get myself some mini corndogs for lunch! this is a big deal, i love corndogs and mini ones are just better!

So anyway, life is crazy and hectic and this is a short post because i have no free time. hopefully soon i can update everyone on my life.

for now, here's teh condenced version:

-i had my first bridal shower! i loved it and i loved all the gifts for Kel and I! it makes it so much more realy having ot write thank yous and to have weddiung gifts to sort through in the townhouse!

- work is good, the kids are crazy, but they keep me up and active.

- i picked up another job, at lane bryant! come in and see me some time!

- Kel and i have our 2 year anniversary! SO exciting! we are going to celebrate in STL with the zoo and Galeria! i can't wait~

-wedding plans are great, more detials later!

that's all for now! sorry this is such a bad post, but i will give a more detailed and entertaining one soon!

4 months and 19 days

Summer has always been my busiest time of the year and this summer i am definitely going to be pushing boundaries. I have my job from 7-3 Monday through Friday and because that clearly is not enough i just picked up another job working from 4-close a couple days a week and weekends. when i am not working i am babysitting at the most random times ever.

As crazy as all of this sounds, working is the best solution for me. Kel and i are trying to save SO much money this summer for our life together that i just can't wait until i am down to one full time job and that is it. I am applying for jobs that i WANT right now hoping to get something before i start applying for any and every job that pays a decent salary and has health insurance for me and a family. i am really really hoping to get something i want though!

So yeah this is a boring post. Mostly life is crazy but i am trying to catch up with people  and have a little bit of fun this summer. i fully intend on being a pool rat as much as possible, but seeing how little free time i have we will have to see about how much pool time i get.

My Best Friend's Wedding

So yesterday my best friend got married (to my other really good friend)! it was amazing and perfect and everything i ever hoped for them. I have been waiting for this for years and although it was emotional day i did better than i thought i would! i didn't expect people to understand the emotions behind my best friend getting married, but it wasn't about me so i was okay with it. The whole Day was devoted to her and her husband and they both looked amazing! i will never forget the look on their faces as they saw each other for the first time when the doors opened and she walked down the isle! it was priceless!

Now i just can't wait for my own wedding. it has sunk in officially, i am getting married and i cannot wait to be married. This whole having to go home at nights things is taking its toll, and after 2 years i am just excited to be married to Kel and to start our life together! there are a lot of unknowns in there, like jobs and money and everything else, but i don't care. after seeing the love and joy my two best friends had on the day they became man and wife, i can think of nothing except i want it to be my turn! i know the time will fly by, but i am impatient!

Today Starts the First Day of the Rest of My Life...

Ahh but so does tomorrow, so i'll worry about it then!

Anyway, so the past two weeks have been crazy, but i am so pumped about this weekend! my best friend from High school is getting married and i am in the wedding (and so is Kel)! i have been waiting for this wedding for over 2 years now and it's finally here! i cannot WAIT to celebrate with my friends!

However, today i woke up throwing up with a persistently bloody nose! i very rarely get bloody noses and they NEVER bleed like this, so i was seriously worried! i went to prompt care to find out the meds i was on last week are no good, and so instead i am on triple dosing of a moderate antibiotic (size pills a day, thats A LOT!) and steroids and a homeopathic remedy (has anyone ever heard of olive oil in your ears to soothe and relax them?). so after taking over 7 pills as told by my doctor taking a three hour nap, eating something and pouring drops of olive oil down my ears i felt better! hopefully this time the doctors will help me instead of postponing feeling like crap! Oh and the olive oil thing works really well, so if any kids have ear problems and ear aches, try it it's awesome, immediately soothing and relieves the pain for a long time!

However, even if i don't get better the doctor's visit was successful! i have struggled my whole life with stress and high blood pressure. since school ended i have been reading some old familiar and favorite books whenever i get stressed out. even though school is done i still have a lot of stress with work, wedding, money, and finding a career path! i found out that reading is helping and my blood pressure is lower than ever! So excited, it has taken me forever to get my blood pressure under control, and with three different infections in my sinuses i still have managed to relax and control my blood pressure! yay for the little successes in life!

life is awesome! since school has ended i have been happier than ever. i am not a school type person, and knowing that i can start focusing on the rest of my life is so exciting! Kel and i have never been better, my best friend is getting married, and i have learned how to take time for myself! :)

CRAZY!

so life since graduation has been beyond crazy. I have started my internship and after 0 days off i am still trying to catch up on life. there are so many things i need to catch up to and focus on that i am over my head in stuff!

I have been working 6am- 6pm while trying to keep up with planning and papers that need to get done. i also have been trying to squeeze in time with Kel, but unfortunately teh poor guy has to deal with my divided attention.

So overall this past two weeks has been crazy busy. i moved out of my apartment, moved back home, started working crazy hours (while still picking up extra hours to help pay for things), working on stuff for my best friends wedding that i am in, babysitting, and trying ot sleep at least 5 hours a night, but that doesn't always happen.

It's crazy! i need patience and a new calendar!

So, life is hectic and crazy and there's just not enough time to get everything done, meanwhile i sit on my but icing my foot!

So this week is the craziest yet. First I have finals. i wish i could say i am pouring my heart into studying for my last finals of my college career, but seriously the first 2 i was told by my teacher to not study and did exactly what i needed to to get the grade i wanted, so whatever for those. My next one i studied a little, but it was easy and we will see what i get. My last final is tomorrow and i have a choice. I can accept a C in the class, not study and i just have to get a 50% on the final to get a C. or i can study all night tonight and all day tomorrow and maybe try to pull of an A on this final (teacher notorious for trick questions and very few people get As on his finals) in order to get a B. However, there is a strong chance that i study study study and get anything lower than a 90 on the finals and i still have a C in the class. However, i do not have time for straight studying, so i am not sure what i am going to do.

Next i have work. I am picking up as many hours of work as possible because Kel and I have very tight finances for the next month. after May we will be okay and saving, but May is every tight and we need every penny. Not to mention gas prices have me seriously considering roller blading to work daily. Roller Blading might be less of a choice and more of a my car died and i have no money for gas option.

Then we throw in the fact that i have to be 100% moved out of my apartment that has two years worth of crap hidden in it. How people are constantly moving i will never know because the amount of schmitty materiel's i have collected is concerning. kel and i are using every free moment to pack up and move out. Not to mention it has to be cleaned. UGH!

Fourth, I have the busiest weekend ever and i start my internship on Monday. This leaves literally 5 whole minutes for me to prepare and adjust. i go from college girl whose classes come first to working girls whose work is her life in the course of three jam packed celebratory days. I also have a TON of stuff to do for my internship BEFORE it starts! OH MY!

Next, i really want to go out and celebrate that i am graduating with my Mass Communication degree in two days, TWO DAYS, and then i am graduating with my Parks and Rec degree in 4 months! this is amazing and i want nothing more than a beer raised high, some cheers from my friends and a sentimental song we can all sing along to. but alas, this will not happen for i have no money and no time for beer.

Finally (oh yeah there's more) i have mental stresses and general freak outs about the future, my life, where it's heading, what it means to be done with school, etc. I have all this stuff bottled up and all i want to do is take a nice long walk and evaluate how i feel and where my life is going. This long walk however has to wait until everything else is done.

Oh and i sprained my bad ankle! Slipping on tomato soup!

The words so much to do and so little time make em want to cry, because i know the so little time pertains to how much i will be sleeping this week!

Oh yeah!

So hey, get even more excited. October 22nd is now not only my wedding day but the feast day of Blessed John Paul II! i am not  big fan of sharing my day wit hanyone, but if there was one person in the history of the owrld to share it with i am so BLESSED to be sharing my big day with JPII.

Not only that, but i am getting amrried on the FIRST EVER FEAST DAY OF JPII!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! that's right, nobody else (excpet the other couples getting married that day) can say that! Kel and i are the luckiest couple on earth and this is the perfect man to watch over our life as husband and wife together!

Epiphany -not just the church i am getting married in

Today i had a bit of an Epiphany! More like 4 or 5 Epiphanies! First of all is i am so proud of myself and all my accomplishments in life (she says humbly)! Not only have a graduated college with two degrees in less time than most people graduate with one, i have done so with minimal debt (enough for me and my parents to be stressed out but not enough to damage the rest of my life). I have never faltered from school all the while overcoming SEVERE physical obstacles. This never stopped me and i never stopped school. Now my Epiphany moment today was when i realized that although this is standard for my family, not everyone can say this and in fact many people can't even dream about this. i have drive and dreams, i have goals and ambitions, and most of all i have an education that can never be taken away from me. I will some day be able to look at my children and say i hope they get to feel like this, becuase there is no greater feeling than knowing i have a safety net, an education, to fall back on and i have something that no force of life can take from me.

Today i also realized that although i have made mistakes in my life, i have only made mistakes that i can grow and learn from. (and here's the word of thanks to my parents for letting me make mistakes, but teaching me to not make the wrong ones) I am not gonna lie, i have done stupid stuff. I have rebelled, i have had to much ot drink,  i had bad relationships, i dated all the wrong guys, i failed a class, i slept through a final, i lost friends, i made some bad friends, i lost my religion (and thankfully found it again), i fell off a curb, i blew my money.... but i never lost sight of who i was or who i wanted to be. i kept true to myself and this is again something that not everyone can say. i learned a lot of lessons, and i have so many more to learn, but every single experience i have had to this day, good and bad, i do not regret and i would never take them back if given the chance. they have made me who i am and i am very happy with who i am.

next, i had the biggest Epiphany of the day (yeah busy day for my brain right?) and that is that no matter what happens in my life i will never be alone! I know my family is always there for me, but even more than that i know that i will have Kel. Through good, bad, sickness, health, and every obscure ailment in between he will be by my side. i never in a million years would have seen myself as the corny head over heals in love person, but i am. everyday i wake up excited to see kel. i have never gone to bed angry with him. since we started dating i have never doubted what we have. We started dating and it was quickly that we fell for each other. this used to scare me. i am not a believer, i know that love takes time, effort and more self control that i thought i had. however, i am a believer that love is possible. Without each other it is impossible (even for my over active imagination) to see where we would have been as individuals.Every day i love him more than the first day, and every day i am more and more certain that spending the rest of my life with him will be the easiest choice i ever make. There have been so many signs from God and blessings that October 22nd, 2011 is meant to be that i just take relief in how much God has had a hand in my life, and how i finally learned to let Him put His hand in and change my life. I am so happy that Kel and I are starting our lives together in less than 6 months. After that we will be starting a family, raising our family and and watching it grow! These next six months are going to be long and stressful. They already are getting more and more loaded by the day, but it is all worth it at the end when i will get to go home with my husband and we can say that out life together started with faith, hope, and the greatest of all LOVE!

Oh and special props to my awesome husband-to-be for going through RCIA, recieving confirmation and Holy Eucharist and becoming a part of the catholic church. Definately my best Easter ever and a feeling of joy i will never forget!

"Is this real life?"

i cannot even describe how crazy the past week has been, but it's slowing down and i can now enjoy things.

Kel and i are settled. We have very little moved in, and a ton more to move in to, but we are calling it home, we have mapped our routine and getting places to and form the townhouse, and  we feel comfortable and at home there. To me, that is all i need to be settled.

Also i got to try on my wedding dress. It was AMAZING! the dress i gorgeous and i just couldn't believe it was mine the whole time i wore it. The best part was it was too big! this is exciting becuase i haven't gone out of my way to loose weight, but i have and now i am actually motivated! yay! The bridesmaids dresses were also so adorable and they were so flattering on everyone. I am excited!

Next i got to spend 1 on 1 time with my sister and Brother in law and niece. this is what i needed. before i was feeling a lot of emotions because of the sudden change and i didn't know how my family fit anymore, however after time with Baby Anna i know now that i am a part of her life, and although my family has changed, we are all the same people.

Next is my Best Friend's Wedding! my best friend since freshman year of high school if getting married and i things have finally kicked into gear for that. i am planning a shower and Bachlorette party and i am really excited, however behind and need get started on this!

Finally, school. i have all my major papers done except for one. This one is huge and i finally get to focus on this. once this is done (next Friday to be exact) i get to relax and focus on setting up the internship this summer and getting started on my summer schedule.

thanks to everyone who has helped Kel and I in the past week and who have donated stuff to the Empty Townhouse Cause! we greatly appreciate it all and it feels so good to know that i will be staying in town close to all this love and support!

Tomorrow Kel and i have 3 different appointments for the wedding, so expect a wedding details blog post soon! super pumped!

We can now say we have started from nothing.

We haev the townhouse! it's adorable! we get the keys later today. i am so excited! this was completely unexpected and i really did not wake up monday morning thinking this would happen. upfortunately it means that all my school work and wedding things all got put on back burners. Now i have to move and keep up with all of that. honestly i really need this month over so i can just relax! (by relax i mean work 40-50 hours a week and NOT have homework.)

Anyway since i dont have any time i will higlight the townhouse's awesomness:

2 bedrooms (good sized too, not dinky things that only fit a bed and the dresses has to be put in a closet)
1 bath and 2 1/2 baths (one on each level)
a finished basement (mancave as kel calls it)
a deck and a very small yard
garage!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and snow removal, etc!
a nice large living room (large by townhouse standards)
new carpet
disposal!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
brand new dishwasher!
his and her sinks and closets
and the best part is IT"S ALL MINE (i mean OURS)!

So pumped, pictures up soon!

Frustration!

ok, so life, as i have stated in almost every post, life is crazy! school, wedding, friends wedding, it's all so much! Recently Kel and i have been apartment shopping on top of that. I want Kel to move in this summer, we want a six month lease, and six month is perfect for me getting a job in my appropriate time frame, yet enough to sign another six month lease if things dont go as planned. I am honestly very sick of seeing houses, apartments, town houses, and duplexes. I am sick of crunching numbers, thinking of move in dates, changing my mind, spelling nasty old places, and awkward situations with Kel and the realtor.

The biggest problem is that i have standards. I know what i want, i know what it costs, and i know it's out there somewhere! Then out of knowhere, we found it! It's a perfect townhouse, quiet neighbors, garage, two bedrooms, space, a basement, disposal, the works! the landlord is a very nice lady, has a kid in college, and is down to earth. Brand New appliances, small backyard, dog friendly (not sure if that's a pro or con yet) and VERY reasonable and manageable rent. We even got the landlord to drop the price by $200 to fit our budget.

The only problem is that she wants to rent ASAP and can only hold it for us for a small fee for 2 weeks. We were ready to move in around July so that we could save money for the down payment and the first couple months rent. We would have to take out a loan to rent out in June, but for this place it would be worth it! GAH GAH GAH!

So do i wait it out and see if this place stays available until we are ready (very strong chance it will not), or do i take out a loan from where ever, save half as less money this summer, but have the townhouse of my dreams when Kel and i start our lives? such dilemas.

Unlike my back, life's adjustments take more than a trip to the chiropracter!

So much has happened in such a short period of time that it has been ridiculous, and impossible for me to cope with. I have had more ups and downs in the past week with life than the precious 3 month before (and that's quit a lot)! Every aspect of my life has shifted completely, and for so many different things to happen at ounce, no matter how good they are, it take time to adjust. With that said, here's what's been going on. People need to understand that i do not handle change well, good or bad. i need time to adjust, and until then i tend to freak out.

1st in my life is the dramatic shift in my school atmosphere. This is not he most important thing in my life, but it is the thing that is #1 on my priority list right now above all else, and it is the #1 thing that i spend most of my time with. Since there is one month (5 weeks total, 5 tests, 1 major class event, and 3 major papers) left all the teachers and seniors are in "end zone" mode. we are wrapping up our classes, seniors are freaking out or rejoicing about jobs/internships, and we can talk of nothing else except the few obstacles that stand in our way to graduation and freedom! i am excited, however nervous. my school friends are the greatest amount of stress release in my life. they see a whole different me than what work and family see. i get to share every life event with them. however awesome this is they are all moving all over creating and for the next 6 months nobody knows where they will be settled as we all adjust into real life. this emotional capacity plus the mental form of "Oh crap what if I'm not ready" and the physical aspect of getting my work done is overwhelming. that alone is enough to ruffle my feathers, and it's only one part of my life.

next is my wedding. this is more just anxiety than anything. Kel and i have done so much prep work this week. I get to pick up my dress next Saturday. the bridesmaids dresses are in. We picked flowers, have more meetings with priests and the venues set up, are working on catering for the rehearsal dinner, fine tuning peoples addresses, budgeting (constantly)! working through day of preps, planning times for couples retreats. finalizing honeymoon details. talking tuxes, colors, styles, prices, and place to get them. figuring out music for ceremony and music list for the reception. we register in a couple week. we are looking for places to live, both of us are job hunting and researching areas in the US to live. we are planning family and NFP classes (whole different blog for a different time). This is just the big details. we aren't even on the gift, goody bags, and showers yet! I'm exhausted reading it. I know Kel has been on a kick to keep my distracted from all my nerves of school and other emotional baggage, but he's doing so well i am overwhelmed! however, we are 6 months out, so for the next six months my perfect wedding will unfold! I CANNOT WAIT UNTIL OCT 22nd. from that day on i get to come home everyday to my amazing husband, i can settle down somewhere with kel, and we get to start our married journey! the wedding will be an awesome day, but the marriage will be an awesome lifetime!

my third and final stress point is family. my family went through an amazing and awesome change a couple weeks ago. Baby Anna joined our family and she is nothing but a blessing. however, just like my sister and brother-in-law had to adjust to parenthood, myself and other family members are adjusting to aunt-hood and grandparent-hood. I would love to say it has all been shits and giggles, but it really hasn't. i have felt that the major events i have coming up no longer matter and although i never get to see Anna (and when i do the chances of my getting to hold her and be a part of her life are about 1/10, which sucks) she still trumps everything. I know what a blessing she is, i have been praying for her for a couple years now. this is not at all an attention struggle. when i write it and read over it i feel like an ungrateful bitch. really i have reasons that i wont get into over a blog- they are more deal with in person situations. But i can't deny that i feel like everything is about Anna and my family is still trying to figure out where to put her and how our family fits now. it will take some time, but until then i just wish i got the chance to feel like an aunt.

So in a nutshell, life is crazy, life is big, and it's getting bigger by the minute. I can't keep up. When my life changes were physical i could just fix the problem, take some time off, and bounce back better than ever. Now i am in such a constant state of change that it is unnerving that i can't enjoy everything like i should.I know that in May i will be able to relax, settle into a routine, and one more thing will be checked off the list. Until then, let's hope i can handle it. Normally i take my life stress out on my hair, but i am trying to grow it out for the wedding, so not sure what will happen this time!

Long Time No Post

So it has been a whirlwind week and a half. Thing are crazy, school is nuts and taking all of my energy which sucks because i need that for everyday life! oh well we shall see how this goes!

pretty much that is all! Kel's annulment thingy went through so we are completely set and no more glitches to getting married. That is super excting to me! i also got the bridesmaids dress for my best friends wedding and i am excited, although i only have two months to get my body where i want it to be for that day! So much to do, so little time! The month of April is going to be torturous, but if i survive it then i will be done with classes ad school and i can focus on work and wedding! YAY!

Today i ate Tacos.... must mean something amazing happened!

So, every time i eat/make tacos something life changing happens. First i made tacos and that was Kel and I's first date! Then i ate tacos the night Kel proposed! Today i was at work, making tacos, and i get the call that my sister is picking up her baby girl today! So i am an aunt and baby Anna Clare is home, safe and more loved than words can describe.

She is truly a miracle. Today my family woke up and it was supposed to be a stressful and monotonous day. But i found out that my sister who has been through so much in order to have a baby got to bring home her much awaited baby girl. She's beautiful and sweet and doesn't cry, sleeps well, and is too cute for words!

AUNT SARA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm an Aunt! it's a girl! i get to see her tonight and i am so beyond happy for my sister and brother-in-law that i can not explain! name, pictures, and details later tonight!

Oh My Goodness...

I AM TIRED!

This week has been spring break and i have done nothing but work and attempt to sleep! It is taking any ounce of energy i have left to keep my jealousy to a minimum (i wish i was in a warm sunny place right about now).  I have been working hard and the rewards are going to be awesome! i am all caught up on rent and after this month i will have all my bill paid off and kel's rent paid off! it's a good feeling knowing that i FINALLY will be cause up and my outgoing expenses will be less than my incoming money! YAY!

I Finally got a RESTFUL nights sleep!

GOOD NEWS WORLD~ my internship was approved. I have been waiting all semester to hear the wonderful words that every graduating senior in the KNR department want to hear "your internship has been approved, congratulations, now turn in your paperwork." I had been especially nervous because my own personal criteria was a bit tougher than most! i wanted to stay close to home (to live at home and save money), i needed it to pay me something, and i really really wanted it to be somewhere i know and am comfortable with. There was in fact only one place that met all these requirements, Little Jewel's Learning Center in Bloomington. I did all the dirty work and it was up to ISU to approve it.

I waited very impatiently for a week and a few days until i heard that it got approved! (good thing, because it was too late to apply to any other that fit my criteria and i was SCREWED if it wasn't approved.) For the first time this semester i slept Tuesday night (monday i was up late and tuesday i was up early AM) i went to bed at 7:45pm and did not wake up until 7:30am. It was a restful nights sleep in which i got to wash away all my worries and stress and enjoy the fact that i am graduating, only a handful of days and assignements stand in my way. I will graduate, do my internship at the place i want, receive my diploma and see how fast i can get a job in the field i want!

I AM SO EXCITED! my parents are pumped, minus the 6 months living with Sara part!

Wedding Updates!

A lot of people have been asking, so here are some of my Wedding Planning updates!

1.) in case you don't know i got my dress. I WOULD put a picture up except Kel reads this blog, so instead i am going to tell you how to get to it! Go to google... look up Maggie Sottero (oh yeah i got a DESIGNER dress) and on her site search in the upper left hand corner "Emily." that beautiful dress is all MINE! It is nothing like the dress i though i would get, but i am super pumped. It will be white and made solely of -KEL DON"T READ THIS NEXT WORD- satin! -KEL IT'S SAFE TO READ AGAIN- For all you wondering. I have not actually tried it on, but i have tried on the same style and it looked awesome with all my natural curves! I will also be wearing a cashmere scarf over my shoulders for the ceremony. I have my sister's veil and headpiece, as well as jewelry that i will be wearing.... already got my something borrowed!

2.) Today Kel and I went and talked to the priest that is doing our wedding. We have officially started our marriage prep work, paperwork, and spiritual guidance. I am very excited, i think the priest doing our wedding is amazing, and defiantly the right choice for Kel and I. He was my theology teacher in High School and has been there with Kel all through our engagement process. We met with him and talked for an hour! I am very excited.

3.) Kel's papers to settle his not quit an annulment are on their ways! YAY no stress!

4.) Save the dates are out and good to go, please think they are cute and out date is reserved.

5.) We are right on schedule with everything and good to go! Lots of plans coming up and i am very excited!

But seriously, very excited to try on my wedding dress, hopefully some time in late April or early May.


btw, sorry about the Spanish to English translations on my last blog post. Spell Check does thing automatically and because i suck at spelling it changed my words!

Senioritas....

Not gonna lie, I am in class right now. Don't get me wrong I am paying attention, but it's one of those days where the teacher spends more time lecturing us about how horrible the real world is and less teaching me how to get ready for this big bad horrible real world. However, my senoritas has reached extreme points where it is seeping in to my dreams, literally!

I had a dream last night that i was sitting in a cozy little apartment, married (i know this because i was wearing a wedding band), curled up on a cough reading a good book. This is all i want in life, to be done studying and out acting everything i have learned. I want to be graduated and done, married and settled, able to read an old familiar book (i have been dying to get back to Gone With the Wind or The Hobbit or maybe even slowly work through all 7 Harry Potters) without the guilt of having to study or write papers, or meet with groups for projects. I have been doing this for my fair share of time.

Don't get me wrong, i am glad i chose to stay in school all 4 years. i am proud of all my work experience, my two majors, my fiance, and all the hard work i have done so far. However, i am desperate for a settled life that doesn't get rearranged and uprooted every "semester" and where i don't have to take a month of my life readjusting my schedule, my moods, and my routine.

Nothing a good meal and some ice cream can't fix!

As everyone knows (and i have whined about incessantly) two years and a half ago i had an accident that has literally altered my life. I have spent the past two years rehabilitating, loosing the weight i gained, and working on getting back to the athletic person i was.

On that note, last week and this week and the next two weeks i have picked up a job refereeing 4th and 5th grade girls basketball. It gives me just enough extra money to financially pick myself up. Last week i realized 5 hours of constant stop and go running  was exhausting and my legs were done for. however, no negative pain, so i was thinking this would be a good things. However this week the whole time was severe negative pain in my shins and stabbing pain in my calves. throw in too small shoes and swollen ankles and i was cranky and miserable. So kel was a few minutes late picking me up, and that "always" make me better!

So i came home to find Kel had invented a delicious meal, dessert and all. it was ready to go and i didn't have to lift a finger. It was amazing to know that Kel was so willing to do everything to make me relax. I have been working hard and there's never enough money to go around, so i have been picking up extra babysitting jobs every Friday and Saturday night, as well as the basketball gig, extra hours at work every possible free moment. All while maintaining my school work (got at A on one test and a B on another and a B on the third, pretty pumped). I am exhausted and the fact that Kel made me and AMAZING DELICIOUS dinner (low price), invented a new recipe, bought me ice cream with the $2 he had, and let me sit down and relax.

My love tank is full and i am blessed to have a fiance who acknowledges my hard work and cares for me more than anything else in the world.

While i am bragging about Kel, here is another story. Yesterday i was at work and called kel to tell him i would be babysitting last minute. I found out that he had (with no car or means of transportation, how this happened i will never know) gone all the way across town to clean and care for one of my friends who was sick!

So reassured to know that i will be taken care of forever!

The things i have learned....

Midterm week, my last one EVER and i am so excited about that fact. However it also means that i have to make it through a week of tests, and i do not do well with tests. However, i am a senior in college finishing two degrees and for the first time ever i have realized the secret behind takings test, all you freshman, read up!

I have a history of stressing, freaking out, and over studying. I don't normally sleep before a test and therefore crash during or immediately after a test. However today i had a test. yesterday i relaxed, did my study guide, put it away and gt a good nights sleep. I then spent the whole day relaxing, studying on and off, and focusing on calming myself down. The test seemed 100% less stressful and easier to sit through. I don't know how i did on my test, but i feel better about it than any other test ever. I have another test tomorrow, and it's not that i am not studying, but i am choosing a full nights sleep instead of staying up all night to freak out and ruin my mental capacity for tomorrow.

I love it when i have these little revelations of how i am learning life lessons and functions. Things like this prove that i am maturing and learning how to live this crazy thing called life!

"why are you trying so hard to fit in, when you're born to stnad out?"

Ok- so the title, has nothing to do with my life, but i am watching What a Girl Wants and i think that's a really good line.

Anyway, so this week has been an extreme week for my family. It started with exciting news that a baby boy was born, and we are shared in the excitement and nervousness as my sister took another step in her adoption journey. The next day we found out that this little bundle would not be a part of our family. My sister and her husband came home and we started to repair the damage.

I know that this was my sister's journey and that i am just the aunt  to their future children, but that does not mean i am not still affected. My whole family was so excited about the prospect of growing in numbers. She is my sister and although we have fought throughout life, we are family and as far as i am concerned sister is the biggest bond of friendship a girl can have. So when my sister goes through a pain this severe, of course i am going to be hurt and affected strongly. Also, her husband has been around in my family since my 8th grade year, which is a HUGE part of my life. I have always wanted a big brother, and he just provided himself to be one. I don't like calling him an in-law, so he is in fact my brother. Which means that things that hurt him, hurt me as well.

I in no way shape or form know what my sister is going through. I pray for her, my brother, their growing family, and the baby that will be partaking a much different life. I hurt for them and most importantly i am there for them.

"Just because you have the emotional capacity of a teaspoon"- Hermione Granger

So today has been an emotional day! It is official, my year of dramatic life changes has started today. Most of you know what i am talking about, but for the discretion of my family the rest of you will have to wait until the end of the week to know what started the "time of change" as Kel and i call it. The point is i do not handle change well at all, in fact it leads to breakdowns and emotional problems. However good the change is i can't let go of the fact that things will never be like they were! I am learning quick to work with this, but it's coming hard.

However, i am very excited about the events in my life that are causing the change and i look forward to telling everyone about how amazing my life is and how awesome it's going to be through thick, thin, and just plain different.

So, since i can't just post something this short, i have a cute story for you all. today was a roller coaster! most of the day i spent optimistic and excited, while a good portion was also spent crying and praying and worrying. With school, my last first tests of the semester, and things being busier than ever this week i was at an all time low emotionally. For this, Kel had to pay. i have a nasty habit of taking out my emotions on Kel, and normally he puts me in my place and helps me through it. today instead we argued and fought until we were both so tired we gave up with each other. We talked things through, saw where we went wrong, and solved the problems.

So i went to work as usual, although still emotional. From there Kel picked me up and took me to my girl's night that i have every Monday night. Me and some girlfriends take turns cooking for each other and watch the Bachelor and Castle together every Monday. I was excited about my three hours of relax time and time where Kel and i could relax and cool off! So while I was at girl's night Kel set up an elaborate plan to make me feel like a million dollars.

He picked me up and dropped me off at my apartment. he stopped in for a quick conversations. When i opened my bedroom door, there was candle light, a bottle of wine (chilling on snow- not ice- in a bucket on the floor) a clean room and Hershey kisses scattered around the room. Along with this my room was clean, laundry done, and we watched a movie very significant to us (different story at a different post). Cutest, sweetest, most amazing thing i could have ever asked for. i was completely surprised and love that he is so thoughtful and will do whatever it take to make me the happiest girl alive!

Feeling proud!

So, this week i have reached a all new personal best on a couple of things, and i am so excited about it!

First, i have worked out 5 times since tuesday. Kel and i have even used up our date time to swim and workout together. I have developed my own personal workouts and meal plan  and it is going very well in just one week. i did all the research, all the nutritional facts, and all the work to create it! On top of that i have stuck with it for a week. For those of you who don't know me i usually make it about 3 days before giving up and quitting.

Also, not only am i working hard to keep up with my workouts, i have acutally been workin gon my running. today i ran 1/2 a mile in 2 seperate 1/4 mile incriments. I know to a lot of people that is nothing, but for me and all i have been through this is the biggest milestone i could have ever hoped to wish in my first week. I am not pushing things, and not ever running every day! instead i am working hard to bring myself up to the point wher ei can run a 5k without injury. I have always though running was something for everyone else, but i am so pumped that i can run 1/2 a mile wiht no injury i can't help but aim high (and yes a 5k is high for me, the girls who can't run without injury) !

So thanks for all the people who are encouraging me..... it means a lot every time i here "good work" or "i'm proud!" i am past the point of caring if i loose any weight, i just want to feel and look good everyday!

So i was origionally going to put up an emo post about how much i hate doctors.... instead i am going to post a few updates on how things are going...

Wedding planning is good!
Kel is getting his annulment thing take care of, we will know by the end of february hopefully.
Once that goes through we start our pre marriage classes, etc.
School is good. it's already a lot of work and i am SO ready to be done, but it is not to horrible.
I am currently crossing my fingers that an in twn internship is available, i find out this week!
Kel had an interview and we are super pumped that it went well!

So pretty much, life is the same, i am still uncertain about a lot, but i am handling the stress amazingly for me, so i am pretty excited and proud. 

Should i stay or should i go?

So, my life is changing and it is all amazing. This past week and the next couple of weeks i will be spending most of my free time applying for internships. Now i am just applying and it is there is no definite answer about which internships i will actually get. But all the ones that i am applying for are ones that i would love to have, and hopefully can lead into a full time career type job for me. However, i am having a big dilema...

Do i stay in/around Bloomington-Normal near my family, my conformt zone, my son-to-be nephew, or do i move to a new place and see if i can find a way for myself there?


So my solution is to apply to as many stated as possible and as many places in Bloomington-Normal as possible. the result will be whoever wants me and has the most ot offer me will get me, and from there the rest of my life will fall into place.

I am so fortunate for all the support my family and friends have given me. i am the most thankful for my fiance who will move where i need to go and who is the most supportive person on earth! Keep looking for updates as i figure out where i will end up!

Just Keep Swimming...

Some roads have speed bumps to help slow people down. I have learned in my life that sometimes God gives you speed bumps, and they aren't always to slow you down. They help you learn lessons, grow patience, overcome adversity, and you never know what it is until you hit the brakes, ride on over it, and continue to your final destination. Well, Kel and I hit a speed bump in wedding planning, and we are slowing down to overcome it...

As most people know (in fact everyone except his grandma knows) this is not going to be Kel's first marriage. When he was in the navy (i am posting this with his permission btw) Kel married a girl (i promise to be polite about my feelings toward her, so i will just call her girl instead of names i really think about her) after dating for two month. They were married so that if he died she would get all of his money. The were married for 6 month before getting divorced and in this time she cheated on him with 7 guys (that he knows of) and even got pregnant by another guy (as the paternity test showed) while married to Kel. So the divorce was finalized and less than a year later he was baptized as a Christian, turned to God and that's when he met me. The rest is history, we fell in love fast, got engaged and have spent a year planning the wedding while i finished school. We decided to get rolling on wedding plans so that if I had an out of town internship this summer we would not be stressed for time close to the wedding. Glad we started early!

Yesterday we went in to talk to the priest about wedding materials. We found out that his divorce must be approved/annulled/taken care of by the Catholic church in order for both of us to be married in the Catholic Church. It gets especially complicated because Kel is not catholic and I am. There has been conversations about Kel joining the catholic church, and he is currently studying this option. This whole matter makes life more complicated and the ability for us to get married in the church that i grew up is under debate.

Now for all the other wedding details we are set. We have the DJ, the Florist, the reception hall, meal, place settings, car rides, dress, bridesmaids dresses, tuxes, cake, invitations, registry, guest list, hair appointments, rehearsal dinner and finances all solved. We are intending to send out save the dates soon, and because of this we have to reevaluate everything. October 22nd is not as far away as it used to be and time is ticking as i type this. I WILL be getting married on October 22nd, but things have to be settled, prayed about, taken care of and reset for this to happen. Questions about Catholicism, marriage, counseling, and all other aspects have to be answered and approval has to be gotten in order for me to have my traditional, catholic dream wedding. It would truly break my heart to not be married in the Catholic church, but it would kill me to not be married at all. So I ask for prayers and understanding as Kel and I embark on the journey of undoing his mistakes.

In no way is there blame or distrust or any negative feeling towards Kel (the navy-yes, GIRL-yes, Kel-no). We have all done stupid things and he has paid for his, literally. I have known about his previous marriage since before we were dating and I have accepted it and we have grown because of it. However, we are dealing with it now as a couple. This is just proof of how much Kel and I are willing to go through to be with each other. God is a part of our life and we are literally fighting to have Kel and Myself be married before God and the Church. Just because we are having technical problems with being married in the Church does not mean we are having problems with our Faiths or with God. We are as faithful as we have ever been, constantly growing in God's Love, and following the path he has set up for us, individually and together.

This is a speed hump, and some day I will look back and know the reason God has put this in our life.