you can be prepaired but not in control

i thought i was done and over the whole "allergy" bit, everyone knows my daughter has allergies and i sound like a broken record. yet every time i meet someone new in settings around food i have to be diligent about reminding everyone not to feed my kid.

i have spent months learning to cook and planning meals and trying to help us financially (because it's NOT cheap to feed your kid FRESH everything) handle this. For the first time in 5 months i finally had control. i had cooking and packing snacks fast and easy and one day a week. I had her meals planned and everyone she would be in daily contact with knows the drill. We were one month benedryl free. her skin is BEAUTIFUL and clear and FINALLY as smooth as a baby's butt should be.

Then i realized i can't ever relax or feel in control because i never will be. I can be prepared but never in control.

We got a pack of crayons out of my craft area and gave them to cecelia to use. she has a little table she sits at and paper to color on. she knew how to hold them and LOVED playing with them and hiding them all over our basement. I was really excited to open up the world of coloring and crafts (something i love to do too). For christmas we were going to ask for coloring books and markers for her.

For about a week she has had excema flair up. First it was on her face, then her chest and back and arms and legs. On Sunday we noticed it was really red and bigger blotches around her face. On monday we were business as usual... then tuesday she had her worst flair up since May. I was in the basement on the computer while she walked around (really she would run off, grab something to bring to me and once i grabbed it she would run off for something else). I turned around to check on her at one point and her mouth was black. I dug a 1/2 a crayon and the paper out of her mouth. we went upstairs to play. once we were upstairs her entire face turned blotchy (within a minute of me getting the crayon out of her mouth) her chest was read and she was scratching badly. After a week i finally knew what she was reacting to. She got benedryl and i started researching.

I am STILL VERY upset at the idea that i not only have to worry about my daughter eating a food that could kill her, but now i have to worry about her touching an art supply that could hurt her. And no i do not feel i am being over dramatic using the work "kill" or "harm." I had to explain to a friend the other that more kids die each year from food allergies than any form of cancer. It's more common than the flue and without treatment IMMEDIATELY will kill my child in uncontrolled situations. I my daughter were to eat a granola bar from a random package she would be exposed to minimum 2 possibly 4 of her major allergies and she would swell from the inside out. a donut could put her in hives for a week, which eventually can eat away at her skin from scratching and infection. I can not STAND it when people tell me i am overreacting about her allergies. i have spent months trying to figure out how to live without being a neurotic overbearing parent , if people can't handle my caution and awareness they will not be allowed near my child- tangent over!

Disclaimer- i ONLY buy Crayola crayons and markers. I think they are the best and my favorite.  They do not pay me to say this, it is all my opinion.

Crayons are soy free, since between 2001 and 2005. My crayons i am betting are from high school (i don't recall buying crayon since college or adult life) so they are between the transition time of soy free crayons and could possibly contain crayons. However my problem does not get solved by simply buying new crayons. It turns out ALL glue pre-maid (great now i have to make my own glue, fml) has oil in it that contains soy. the glue used to hold the paper onto crayons contains soy and possibly other unidentified allergens. So i looked online and with my dad's help found some crayons that are twist up and have no labels, therefor no glue. i also got a little case to put her supplies in so we can take it places easily. These crayons are twice as expensive and last half as long, but for my daughter it's worth it.

Then upon more research i may or may not have had a melt down about school supplies some day and future play dates.School supplies i can freak out about in 2-3 years, but play dates are something i am trying to do as often as possible. i DESPERATELY want to have playdates with other kids at places OTHER than my house, but it's SO scary. the thought that i would have to ask another parent to vacuum, sweep and mop, tidy and clean up any areas food is allowed in and now to HIDE all crayons and other activities makes me want to cry. then since cecelia is in everything the thought she could find a crumb hidden under the couch and eat it! SO STRESSFUL and that's just thinking about a playdate.

 the other day we had a play date and the girls sat and colored! She can't do that anymore. makers ALL contain soy so those aren't an option either. She tends to stab herself or others with pencils  so until she is older those are no good. Playdough requires oil- which MIGHT contain soy! The homemade kool-aid playdough contains soy (kool-aid, and most powdered drinks contain it). ink is ok, but SO messy and stains clothes and kiddos skin. paint is no good, but i am looking up how to make my own.

Since her art supplies are now TWICE as expensive as normal crafts it is for sure on her christmas list.