walking away the pain...

last week i made the decision to get moving. I had my Dr appointment and found out there was no medical cause for loosing JP. She was upset because she has no answers. she called it an "act of God and a fluke of nature." As relieved as i am knowing i did nothing wrong and htere was no way to prevent this it sucks not having set answers. The worst part (it upset my doctor as much as it upset me) is not knowing if this will affect future pregnancies. This is the hardest thing to think about. Kel and i have talked and we know there are a lot of risks for future pregnancies, and not knowing is the biggest one. Long story short we are happy with Cecelia is she is the only child we ever have, she's such a little miracle.

I then asked my Dr is my weight had anything to do with this... I know i am not a "skinny minnie" and that i am a bigger girl. I asked the Dr to be very honest with me about my weight and if that could have been a contributing factor. The doctor was honest, she said "not at all, however a healthier lifestyle would not hurt you in the future, pregnant or not."

So with no medical reason to use as motivation (btw my blood pressure is better than ever, my cholesterol is low, my muscle mass is high and my heart is perfect) i searched and prayed for motivation to do this (loose weight/get fit/get healthy). i finally realized i look good and am happy with the size i am. i may not be standard sized or able to shop in any store i want, but i like to think i look good when i try (day to day i don't always try).

I finally made the deciscion to get out a walk with Cecelia everyday for my own personal peace of mind. i hash out all my stress and issues on my walks and on the days i don't get to walk it's obvious, because all my stress boils up the the surface and i become a crank! I have found some amazing peace about all sorts of things while walking.

I also have been eating better. i am not eating for the sole purpose of weight loss, but i am making sure to add veggies into my diet and eat when i am hungry and less because i want to! It's hard being at home all day around food, so i am learning to control what i eat and when. However i am still enjoying eating peach cobbles (fresh and homemade, SO YUMMY)  and a glass (or two... okay three when friends are over) of wine occasionally. I love that i don't feel deprived and i am having fun trying out new recipes that actually are low fat low sugar low calories (zucchini mini pizza's = great life decision and no guilt)

Last week i walked about 50 miles in 7 days. This week my goal is to walk 40 miles and roller blade 10-20 miles in 5 days and then relax on the weekends (short small walks for fun with my hubby or friends, not charting the miles is considered relaxing for me). With so much of my life out of my control and in the hands on complete strangers i LOVE LOVE LOVE the idea of setting goals each week that are in my control and that are a positive change in my life.

I haven't stepped on a scale, and there's a strong possibility i don't every unless forced. I don't count inches and i am finally out of maternity clothes and back into my pants i don't want to have to buy new ones anytime soon.i am struggled with my weight for so long and i finally realized it wasn't my weight i should be struggling with, it was the way i saw myself. i am happy and healthy and the acceptance i have now looks so much better in my clothes than the emotional turmoil i had before!