Kel and I were about to (publicly) make a fun and very exciting announcement for Cecelia's birthday. Our little princess was going to be the worlds best big sister.
And some day in the future she will, but out little Angel #2 met Jesus a bit too soon.
i really want to say FIRST that although there are many friend/family member i would love to personally tell this to, emotionally i cannot handle the thought of repeating this so and emotionally cannot bear to tell everyone. I ask that you understand i am typing this so people may know what we are going through and pray for us as well as understand this is more difficult than anything we have ever been through, There are many things Kel and Cecelia and I will be needing in the next few week and we know there is an abundant amount of people we can lean on and ask and we are ever so grateful. We first ask for Prayers and next ask that you not be offended if we did not personally tell you and that you understand we need time as a family to let this all come to terms and to allow us a chance to see God's plan for out little Robson Family.
-WARNING: i won't really be sparing details, this is emotional and rather grafic in case you don't want to read and further-
Wednesday I was feeling crummy and having stomach pains come and go. They got increasingly worse throughout the night to the point I was doubled over every minute. Around 11pm I stated to notice blood, and lots/extreme amounts of it.. Kel rushed home from work and took me to the ER. Together what we found out was that I was experiencing labor pains. After another 30 minutes an ultrasound was done. For an agonizing hour Kel and I waited knowing what we would hear. I had lost LARGE amounts of blood and was in the worst pain of my life. At around 2:30 am I was allowed paid meds for the contractions. Although this was a relief on one end it confirmed the suspicions kel and I had.
The Dr. came in and confirmed I had unknowingly delivered our 15weeks along baby and that is what all the large (some the size of my fist others were the full size of the toilet bowl) blood clots i had been passing were. The ultrasound showed nothing at all in my empty uterus. Not only that (this is at 3am) but I was being prepped for surgery at 5am-just a routine D&C- to clear and close my uterus. I was at risk of infection and a few other complications due to my extreme blood loss.
The surgery went as planned and I was watched all morning. I was able to record over with no blood transfusion needed (a big relief).
I was released and kel and I headed home stopping for food and a few quick hugs from Cecelia.
I want to personally thank my family. My dad, mom, and all four (meghan Schmidt included) of my sisters for being there. They all pitched in and took care of Cecelia no questions asked. She had an amazing day playing with her cousins she didn't want to come home. Knowing she happy meant everything to me. And I know my in-laws prayers were felt all the way from Texas. My family was there crying with us when we needed and laughing with us when that was needed.
The prayers and love from family friends has meant everything too.
Finally I was to personally thank my nurse/friend/angel Joanna. I had known her since college and her faith has always been an inspiration to me. She was able to hold mine and kels hand as we received the worst case scenario news and she prayed and oftered more than any other nurse could have. i would not have been able to handle this without her.
Kel and I are doing OK. Not good, not awful but OK. It comes in waves (like right mow at 2am. I woke up with pain similar to my c sections and then realized I didn't get to hold my baby with this pain).
I do not know what God has planned for me and kel and I don't know why this happened. But I do know I am officially a mother to a saint in heaven and that little baby is going to be watching and guiding his (we both have felt this whole time its been a boy and since the fetus/baby was not recovered we are sticking with our guts that He is up there now) big sister.
We named him John Paul Michael Robson and I just know that he is in good hands. Even though I would have preferred it to be my hands he is in the only hands better than that.
We are asking for some continued prayers. i know this will get better with time. i know a lot of women due around January/ February when i was due and it might be hard for awhile but I am a strong women and my Husband is the strongest and most amazing man. i know we are intended for more children whenever God wishes to bless us. Because of how this Spontaneous Miscarriage (that is the medical term for what happened) minimal/no damage was done to my uteris or my reproductive system meaning that future Robson babies will be 100% unaffected by this and the chances of this happening again are very minimal. i literally went into labor and delivered the baby in a natural way, the problem was that i was 5-25 week too early for JP to have ANY fighting chance here on earth.
(quick lesson, at 20 weeks along is the first time a baby is able to be delivered and live outside the womb. the chances of survival increase each week up until 40 weeks when the baby is fully developed. i was 15 weeks along so no matter what had happened the baby would not have had any chance for survival outside of my womb)
No comments:
Post a Comment